Reply to DW never wants sex during the holidays

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Here's my tip to men who want sex on a holiday: get those kids to bed early. You want sex on Christmas? Get off your keister and get dinner for the kids on the table by 6 at the latest. 5 is better. Play a game with them after dinner. Wife can participate or go relax  (the latter is better -- suggest it). Pay attention to what time it is when you are playing with the kids, and set a timer if you need to. Initiate bedtime. Stay on the kids to get in jammies and get teeth brushed, and assume it will require more effort than usual because they will be overstimulated. Get them in bed, on time or even early (especially if they were up late the night before and up early for presents). As you tuck them in, take a sec to quick pick up a few toys or just rust a little.

Then ask your wife to come have a drink with you. Or a snack if she doesn't drink. Sit in the light if the tree and talk about the day. Take a moment to thank her for the work she put into making it a good holiday. All of this should be happening before 9pm, cause she's tired.

That's your best chance for Christmas nooky. If you aren't willing to do this, don't complain. [/quote]

Men, do this anyway for nonsexual reasons. However, this will not make her hot for you. And, if you follow this advice as a way to have sex, you will end up feeling resentful; because it's not going to work. [/quote]

PP here, and yes, if you do this assuming you will be "repaid" with sex -- no. You aren't owed sex, and the things I'm suggesting ARE things a husband and father should do anyway. My point is more that if you want to have sex with your wife, you can't sit around waiting for your wife to be done with all the other stuff she's doing on the holiday and then expect her to have the energy or interest in sex at the end of a long, active day with heightened expectations. A holiday can be incredibly rewarding and full of wonderful memories, but it can also be draining. You simply cannot expect one who has been managing that entire day to have interest/energy for sex.

But if you actually contribute, give her a break, engage with your kids so that she can take a step back, encourage her to relax as she has likely been encouraging others to relax throughout the day, thank her for her efforts, and seek to connect emotionally with her as a person, you will have made sex a thing that could possibly happen. Maybe it still won't. But at a minimum, you will likely have some emotional and physical intimacy, which will be good for your relationship generally and should be a pleasurable end to the day for your both. If you do stuff like this, I do think ultimately sex is more likely, whether on the holiday or at another time. This is how you build a healthy marriage.

A lot of men will just let the day unfold, let their wives do everything, not pay attention to what time it is or say things like "oh who cares when the kids go to bed, it's a holiday" or even "stop hassling them!" and complain about how she's not letting people have fun. And then when the kids finally go to bed at 10pm, and the house is still a wreck, he'll expect his wife to want to have sex with him. And that definitely won't "work" in the sense you are talking about. Because you are neglecting your family and your relationship and have totally unrealistic expectations of other people based on a pretty ignorant understanding of how holidays work.

Same goes for vacations -- if you leave your wife to plan and execute your whole freaking vacation and then get annoyed when she doesn't ALSO make time for vacation sex... you have quite literally laid your own bed there. Women need a partner to parent with and manage your household and life with. The don't need yet another service to perform for you.[/quote]

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