Reply to I want to get away from friend groups/communities with this specific type of woman: where to go?

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Reply to "I want to get away from friend groups/communities with this specific type of woman: where to go?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is a "you" problem.

You are insecure, OP. And probably making people dislike you. Figure out your own issues. [/quote]

Op here. I am insecure sometimes! I think it's normal and that no one is 100% confident at all times. I don't think people universally dislike me and do have friends. And I've been in therapy for years and am always "working on my own issues." I think I'm actually above average in being aware of my own BS and working towards sorting it out.

None of that changes that I just don't really like people with this personality type and would like more opportunities to spend time with other people without being around people like this, who yes, do tend to flare my existing insecurities.

But thank you for your input.[/quote]

So much could be solved if you could say no with a smile on your face. [/quote]

It's true have to learn to say no to people like this. But this personality will not stop at that no. A defining characteristic of a person like this is that they will keep pushing even when they meet resistance.

So you have to say no (with our without the smile) over and over. The will "offer" a form of help and you will say no. Then they will deliver the help anyway, even though you said no clearly, and you will have to directly reject the help. They will argue with you and say things like "but I already bought it" or "that doesn't make sense, at this point there's nothing to lose." You have to stand strong in the face of their efforts to persuade, coerce, and manipulate you into doing what you want. You might have to do this in public, in front of other people (they may choose a public venue specifically as a form coercion, the way an overbearing boyfriend might do a very public proposal to coerce a yes). They may enlist their husband, your husband, anyone they can find to help convince you. I have had women like this contact my mother, without asking me first, and pressure her to pressure me to do something I've already said no to. If you have kids, they will 100% enlist your kids in trying to get you to do things you have already said no to.

We are not talking about normal people who offer things or ask for things and if you say no, they hear it and accept it. We are talking specifically about people who will push, push, push to get their way or arrange the world to their liking and will view a no as simply a problem to be solved before they get what they want.

That is why the goal is often to avoid these types altogether. Because they don't respect boundaries, don't listen, don't view you as an adult who should be in charge of her own life. They see you as a project or a means to an end and the things you say or do are incidental and only matter insofar as it is information they can use to get you to do what they want.[/quote]

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