Reply to Extreme resentment over mental load

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] Really?  He did nothing?  Didn’t get the tree?  Put up lights?  Go to the store to buy a few presents?[/quote]

He does what he is asked to do:

"I can assign him something and he will do it but he automatically assumes I will handle it all."

OP resents having to ask, to "handle it".

If he does what you ask, ask him to handle it. And allow him to handle it.[/quote]

Sounds like you have asserted your dominance and he’s used to you delegating tasks in your leadership role. When did you become the de facto leader in the home? Why did you take that on? [/quote]

I'm a PP not OP. Just clarifying from OPs original post.

[/quote]

The question stands. How did the roles and responsibilities evolve in the relationship? Did OP assert herself as head in the beginning and her husband took a backseat and just let her call the shots? [/quote]

Yes, this is what is going on. DH waits for tasks to be delegated because OP clearly likes the control. If DH tried to take initiative and plan then there would be a coordination problem to solve with OP. OP would possibly be more PO’d than she is now.

OP, you could just delegate a larger task. Like “get the presents for the kids.” But let’s face it, there’s a reason he’s settled in to this following role and it’s really not just about him — it’s about the dynamic between the two of you.

As far as, are you stuck with this? Yes, you are — you’re stuck with him, but you’re also stuck with yourself. [/quote]

OP asserted control early on, so he learned not to get into a power struggle with her and let her do it her way. And now she finds out she’s taken on too much and is overwhelmed and its all his fault. OP can’t have it both ways, she can’t want an equal partner yet call all the shots. If you want the power you also have to be ok with delegating and being a leader. But this is never going to be a 50% partnership and that’s not what OP really wants anyway.[/quote]

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