Reply to MIL cuts us off, then demands holiday access. Advice?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s not abandonment if she never actually leaves or go no contact. I would treat pronouncements like this similar to when 5-6 year olds declare they are running away. It’s a way to say they are very upset when they don’t have the maturity/emotional health to manage hurt feelings more constructively. It’s up to you to decide whether she brings more good than not, but I definitely wouldn’t base anything from her “going no contact” since that doesn’t happen. [/quote]

I hate these analogies. Yes, developmentally, if my 5 year old says she hates me and is going to run away, I am unbothered and I still cook her dinner and put her to bed with a kiss. My 68 year old MIL is not my 5 year old daughter. If she tells me she doesn’t like me and is going to not visit us for a few months until she can stand to be around me again, that’s not the same thing. At all. And [b]I’m not going to put up with being treated that way by another adult who then comes crawling back and wanting things from me at Christmas[/b]. No. [/quote]

Exactly. I feel it's only one or two posters who post continually about sucking it up - maybe they don't even read the OP. I would never do that in this scenario. You are entirely correct that parents accept behavior from a small child that they should not accept from anyone else.

I would put my foot down here and teach MIL consequences. Either she learns it, or she doesn't, but at least she's not in my house.

[/quote]
THIS! There was recently a post around Thanksgiving about, I think, a MIL complaining that she didn’t feel welcome or hosted properly and someone compared it to their child complaining to them that dinner didn’t taste good, as if it’s normal for adults to complain that the meal wasn’t good when being hosted in another’s home. That’s behavior we expect from children, not someone old enough to be a grandparent.[/quote]

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