Reply to Would you allow your child to marry or date outside your culture or religion?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]One of the biggest struggles I've seen was when a first gen kid married a person nominally of their culture and religion, but the person was a recent immigrant and was much more modern about it. The parents had kind of kept their culture of origin the same, like it was at their time of immigration in the 1970s, and much of their peer group had too. But the place of origin itself had not stayed the same, so the new wife wasn't doing their version of the culture. Very weird dynamic because they thought it would work well but it really didn't. [/quote]

Was this an Indian American "boy" who was hoping to marry a nice Indian "girl", just like his mom, but thought all the Indian American raised girls were too independent? Hahahah!  (Indian American "girl" who was the bad example in our community because I went far away for college and didn't get married until I was in my late 30s).

Anyway -my mom isn't Indian, but acclimatized so well that the other Indian aunties would complain to her when their sons were engaged to white women.

They would have preferred I married someone they could relate to more, but didn't insist.

A lot of my peers growing up weren't "allowed" to date unless it was for marriage and then only Indian (and the right kind) - maybe 25% followed thru with that?

Some parents asserted control via money - especially after college. Which frankly, at that point, I see it as part of the deal - we'll cover your car payment and luxury apartment - you maintain our family status. [/quote]

Well, she is a nice girl, but she's a girl who grew up in their country in the 2000s and 2010s and has culture and opinions accordingly. Her family is of the same religion but not especially conservative. She is exactly what this boy thought he was getting, because they dated and knew each other well before marrying. She 's *not* what the boy's parents naively thought they would get, because they were hoping for someone the same age as their son but whose culture was stuck in the 1970s and 1980s like theirs is. [/quote]

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