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[quote=Anonymous]1. How much does helping your 20-something kids affect your budget and retirement plans? I'm not as interested in hearing from people who have $10m or more, but from people still working and saving for retirement. Are you willing to keep working after 65 to be able to pay for grad school, weddings, down payments, etc?

[b]My parents have a 10 year age gap. My dad recently retired at 70, mom is still working but likely will retire within the next five years. My parents priority was fully paying for college so we would not have loans. They have always been frugal but I suspect my dad worked longer to enable this. This was a HUGE gift and (knowing some of my friends' financial situations with loans) the BEST gift they could've given me.

I had a pretty reasonably-priced wedding (under $30K). My parents gave me $5k, which I did not expect and which was very appreciated. Both my spouse and I purchased condos with no parental assistance prior to meeting and marrying. We ultimately bought a SFH together: I received no assistance for my "half" of the downpayment, closing costs, etc. My spouse's "half" did come from an inheritance, however, we bought a house we would've been able to afford either way and just used the inheritance in place of existing savings. [/b]

2. How do you resolve disagreements with your spouse about how much support to provide adult kids and at what cost? What would you do if your spouse were spending down assets on adult kids without your blessing, which you didn't give because you legitimately believe you couldn't afford it?

[b]Can't weight in on this.[/b]

3. When your adult kid visits, do you cover 100% of the costs of their trip? For example, do you pay for their airline ticket, groceries, meals out, etc?

[b]Fortunately, I live within driving distance. However, when I do visit my parents they pay for meals out, coffee runs, and all activities. My grandparents did the same for my parents when we were growing up. [/b]

4. When you vacation with your adult kids, do you also cover 100% of the costs? Not just the housing, but for example, do you pay for their round of golf, ski lift ticket, or other activities?

[b]Have not vacationed as an adult with my parents: my in-laws have taken us to Europe and various other vacations and generously pay for everything. However, these are typically trips they want to take regardless and they WANT company, so this is the incentive to get people to go.[/b]

5. An adult kid who has graduated and is employed visits and makes their own plans. Is it reasonable for them to expect to be able to take your car while they visit? And if there is a schedule conflict?

[b]I would hope that an adult child would be sensitive of the needs of the car owner: I certainly would. Why can't they take and pay for an Uber/Lyft?[/b]

6. Would you help with graduate school, law school, medical school, or an MBA if it required you to keep working later than planned? If you do it for one kid, do you need to do it for their younger siblings, too?

[b]My parents made it clear that graduate school would be my own responsibility, for me and my siblings. I may go in the future but am trying to be creative about loan repayment opportunities, working pt, etc. Not a big deal. [/b]

What I appreciate / think my parents did well is that the financial help they've given me has not been to get me accustomed to a lifestyle I wouldn't have been able to afford otherwise (for example, funding a luxury 1BR in the city when I moved to DC, helping me pay a credit card bill, paying for a full MBA/law school degree, purchasing a fancy car). They have done thoughtful things that have been a huge help and I've been excited to receive, but wasn't expecting.
For example, when I did buy my house, they purchased a piece of furniture for me I'd been holding off on buying due to other expenses. They also surprised me by paying for my honeymoon airline tickets with miles they had.

I am grateful for my parents, didn't expect anything more, and hope I can help my kids the same way :)[/quote]

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