Anonymous
Post 10/28/2025 22:31     Subject: At what cost do you help your adult kids after getting them through college?
Anonymous wrote:Cell phone, health insurance until 26, car insurance, grad school, wedding/honeymoon, home down payment, and help funding 529 once grandkids arrive is standard.


Does everyone’s kid have a shitty job or something? My kid gets incredible health insurance for free through their job…which is what most professional jobs provide.

Car insurance? Why not pay for everything while you are at it…why stop at the above?

Anonymous
Post 10/28/2025 22:29     Subject: At what cost do you help your adult kids after getting them through college?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm seeking a sanity check on whether these things are reasonable. I'm most interested in hearing from people who are well off but not rich, with adult kids in their twenties who graduated from college without debt and have good jobs.



1. How much does helping your 20-something kids affect your budget and retirement plans? I'm not as interested in hearing from people who have $10m or more, but from people still working and saving for retirement. Are you willing to keep working after 65 to be able to pay for grad school, weddings, down payments, etc?

Does not affect at all. The only expenses I have for adult children are if we take them out for dinner, and their birthdays/Christmas presents. I am planning to work at least to 65 because I love what I am doing and maybe scale down after that, if health permits. I am 50 right now and as of now, I do not plan to pay for grad school, weddings, down payments, unless I will have an unexpected income increase.

2. How do you resolve disagreements with your spouse about how much support to provide adult kids and at what cost? What would you do if your spouse were spending down assets on adult kids without your blessing, which you didn't give because you legitimately believe you couldn't afford it?

We are on the same page now: kids will get our assets only after both of us deceased. I am 10 years younger than my spouse, so he wants to make sure I have enough money during retirement.

3. When your adult kid visits, do you cover 100% of the costs of their trip? For example, do you pay for their airline ticket, groceries, meals out, etc? We cover travels to and from home while they were in college (youngest is still in college), after they got a job - they pay for their travels.

4. When you vacation with your adult kids, do you also cover 100% of the costs? Not just the housing, but for example, do you pay for their round of golf, ski lift ticket, or other activities? No. We invite them and tell them that the house is paid, and we will treat them for 2 dinners, but the rest of the cost they have to cover themselves.

5. An adult kid who has graduated and is employed visits and makes their own plans. Is it reasonable for them to expect to be able to take your car while they visit? And if there is a schedule conflict? I think it is reasonable if the car is not used at that time. If the car is needed, they can uber or use public transportation.

6. Would you help with graduate school, law school, medical school, or an MBA if it required you to keep working later than planned? If you do it for one kid, do you need to do it for their younger siblings, too? More likely not, but I might be in the situation where I will change my mind. No automatic payment for all siblings, some of the kids chose the major that will not require grad school (engineering), or more likely their jobs will pay for grad school. One is in PhD fully funded program.


I would not work longer to pay for weddings/grad school/etc for my grown kids. We can afford it for ours, but if we couldn't we would not delay retirement. Best gift you can give your kids is you not being a burden during your elder years


You are teaching them they don’t have to save and don’t have to budget. They won’t have savings to help you if you drain your savings and then need medical care. Take a stroll over to the elder care forum and read the monthly costs for in home and out of the home care. If those posts don’t shock you into saving for your own retirement and medical care, then you maybe are more well off than you posted- in which case, do whatever you want and hope you have $ left when need it.


Our kids are quite frugal and budget and save. They also know we pay for many extras and that we can afford our elder care costs ourselves. I'm well aware of aging care costs. Paying to help our parents, but we are completely covered in the UHNW category.

But you can still teach wealthy kids to save and budget. Daily our kids manage as if they don't get extras. But they know we pay for vacations and extras, they know they wont have to save for their kids education and we will help with a home downpayment. Why wait to give them the Money when we die


I don't know why...but it feels weird and controlling to pay for specific things vs. set up trusts, put a bunch of $$$s in it and then tell them to use it how they see fit. I assume when you say you will pay for vacations...you mean vacations that include you, correct?

If my kid is responsible and generally also saving their own money and we have tons, I don't care if they decide they are going to purchase a $100k car as an example.


So the difference between you and me (us) is that we do not think our 20 something (or really even any age) kid needs what is currently a $100K+ vehicle unless they are earning a salary commensurate to pay for that. Their $40K Toyota (fully loaded with leather) will serve them just fine. We haven't even spent $100K+ on a vehicle ever, and we are the ones with the $$$$.
We would prefer they put that extra money into a house or saving for the future.
We want them to be productive members of society and understand the value of money.

And yes, we pay for vacations they go on with us and if they want to visit the grandparents (a 2 day trip to do that will cost them $1K or more.

And our kids want this as well. When kid got a new vehicle, they didn't want "luxury" as they know that would look really strange in the work parking lot when everyone knows what level they are and what they make. The immediate managers/team members already know they have rich parents, simply based on the amount of vacation time they put in for and when they tell them where they are going and what they did. But they don't want to flaunt their wealth.

So while we don't really control the money completely, we want our kids to get a good start, and yes if they start spending it on drugs, trips to Vegas and gambling it all away we are not willing to support that. If you are, then go ahead and give your kids $$$ like that.


So, maybe they are earning a salary commensurate to pay for it. Doesn’t sound like giving your kids $$$s has anything to do with how much money they earn, so not sure why you need to control how they spend it.

A house can be a terrible investment, so once more, don’t understand picking and choosing what is a good use of $$$s. A kid may be much better off renting and investing the money you give them.

Don’t give stupid examples of degenerate behavior to justify your actions.
Anonymous
Post 10/28/2025 20:52     Subject: At what cost do you help your adult kids after getting them through college?
Cell phone, health insurance until 26, car insurance, grad school, wedding/honeymoon, home down payment, and help funding 529 once grandkids arrive is standard.
Anonymous
Post 10/28/2025 16:49     Subject: At what cost do you help your adult kids after getting them through college?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm seeking a sanity check on whether these things are reasonable. I'm most interested in hearing from people who are well off but not rich, with adult kids in their twenties who graduated from college without debt and have good jobs.



1. How much does helping your 20-something kids affect your budget and retirement plans? I'm not as interested in hearing from people who have $10m or more, but from people still working and saving for retirement. Are you willing to keep working after 65 to be able to pay for grad school, weddings, down payments, etc?

Does not affect at all. The only expenses I have for adult children are if we take them out for dinner, and their birthdays/Christmas presents. I am planning to work at least to 65 because I love what I am doing and maybe scale down after that, if health permits. I am 50 right now and as of now, I do not plan to pay for grad school, weddings, down payments, unless I will have an unexpected income increase.

2. How do you resolve disagreements with your spouse about how much support to provide adult kids and at what cost? What would you do if your spouse were spending down assets on adult kids without your blessing, which you didn't give because you legitimately believe you couldn't afford it?

We are on the same page now: kids will get our assets only after both of us deceased. I am 10 years younger than my spouse, so he wants to make sure I have enough money during retirement.

3. When your adult kid visits, do you cover 100% of the costs of their trip? For example, do you pay for their airline ticket, groceries, meals out, etc? We cover travels to and from home while they were in college (youngest is still in college), after they got a job - they pay for their travels.

4. When you vacation with your adult kids, do you also cover 100% of the costs? Not just the housing, but for example, do you pay for their round of golf, ski lift ticket, or other activities? No. We invite them and tell them that the house is paid, and we will treat them for 2 dinners, but the rest of the cost they have to cover themselves.

5. An adult kid who has graduated and is employed visits and makes their own plans. Is it reasonable for them to expect to be able to take your car while they visit? And if there is a schedule conflict? I think it is reasonable if the car is not used at that time. If the car is needed, they can uber or use public transportation.

6. Would you help with graduate school, law school, medical school, or an MBA if it required you to keep working later than planned? If you do it for one kid, do you need to do it for their younger siblings, too? More likely not, but I might be in the situation where I will change my mind. No automatic payment for all siblings, some of the kids chose the major that will not require grad school (engineering), or more likely their jobs will pay for grad school. One is in PhD fully funded program.


I would not work longer to pay for weddings/grad school/etc for my grown kids. We can afford it for ours, but if we couldn't we would not delay retirement. Best gift you can give your kids is you not being a burden during your elder years


You are teaching them they don’t have to save and don’t have to budget. They won’t have savings to help you if you drain your savings and then need medical care. Take a stroll over to the elder care forum and read the monthly costs for in home and out of the home care. If those posts don’t shock you into saving for your own retirement and medical care, then you maybe are more well off than you posted- in which case, do whatever you want and hope you have $ left when need it.


Our kids are quite frugal and budget and save. They also know we pay for many extras and that we can afford our elder care costs ourselves. I'm well aware of aging care costs. Paying to help our parents, but we are completely covered in the UHNW category.

But you can still teach wealthy kids to save and budget. Daily our kids manage as if they don't get extras. But they know we pay for vacations and extras, they know they wont have to save for their kids education and we will help with a home downpayment. Why wait to give them the Money when we die


I don't know why...but it feels weird and controlling to pay for specific things vs. set up trusts, put a bunch of $$$s in it and then tell them to use it how they see fit. I assume when you say you will pay for vacations...you mean vacations that include you, correct?

If my kid is responsible and generally also saving their own money and we have tons, I don't care if they decide they are going to purchase a $100k car as an example.


So the difference between you and me (us) is that we do not think our 20 something (or really even any age) kid needs what is currently a $100K+ vehicle unless they are earning a salary commensurate to pay for that. Their $40K Toyota (fully loaded with leather) will serve them just fine. We haven't even spent $100K+ on a vehicle ever, and we are the ones with the $$$$.
We would prefer they put that extra money into a house or saving for the future.
We want them to be productive members of society and understand the value of money.

And yes, we pay for vacations they go on with us and if they want to visit the grandparents (a 2 day trip to do that will cost them $1K or more.

And our kids want this as well. When kid got a new vehicle, they didn't want "luxury" as they know that would look really strange in the work parking lot when everyone knows what level they are and what they make. The immediate managers/team members already know they have rich parents, simply based on the amount of vacation time they put in for and when they tell them where they are going and what they did. But they don't want to flaunt their wealth.

So while we don't really control the money completely, we want our kids to get a good start, and yes if they start spending it on drugs, trips to Vegas and gambling it all away we are not willing to support that. If you are, then go ahead and give your kids $$$ like that.
Anonymous
Post 10/28/2025 13:56     Subject: At what cost do you help your adult kids after getting them through college?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would say that whatever you do, attempt to do it fairly for all your kids. My sister is stil resentful about the fact that my brother and I got help with grad school while she chose not to go to grad school. My brother and his wife bled my parents dry for years to the point that my parents were putting off costly and necessary home repairs so they could pay for my brothers' kids private school.


What did your sister think your parents should have done given that she didn't go to grad school?


I don't necessarily think the sister is wrong here. My parents had nothing and they still tried to treat us as equitably as possible. My two younger siblings attended more expensive colleges and received less in FA, so my parents cashed in some retirement money to pay for a bit of my one-year grad program, then I paid them pack in excess of the loan.
Anonymous
Post 10/25/2025 16:12     Subject: At what cost do you help your adult kids after getting them through college?
In our culture parents pay for kid's college, grad school, wedding etc and let adult kids and their families live at homes for free, all expenses paid and left their homes for them in wills.

However, kids took over all expenses as their income increased and took care of parents as long as they shall lived.

Here, kids don't take these responsibilities on hence they can't have same expectations.
Anonymous
Post 10/25/2025 16:07     Subject: At what cost do you help your adult kids after getting them through college?
Do what you comfortably can and say no to what you can't. You are all adults, nobody owes anyone anything. You do need to be able to independently afford post retirement years. Who knows if you'll live 10 or 30 more years after 65.

That being said, be as generous as you can afford to, even if you have to be frugal with your needs to do it.

Anonymous
Post 10/24/2025 13:14     Subject: Re:At what cost do you help your adult kids after getting them through college?
1. How much does helping your 20-something kids affect your budget and retirement plans? I'm not as interested in hearing from people who have $10m or more, but from people still working and saving for retirement. Are you willing to keep working after 65 to be able to pay for grad school, weddings, down payments, etc?

My parents have a 10 year age gap. My dad recently retired at 70, mom is still working but likely will retire within the next five years. My parents priority was fully paying for college so we would not have loans. They have always been frugal but I suspect my dad worked longer to enable this. This was a HUGE gift and (knowing some of my friends' financial situations with loans) the BEST gift they could've given me.

I had a pretty reasonably-priced wedding (under $30K). My parents gave me $5k, which I did not expect and which was very appreciated. Both my spouse and I purchased condos with no parental assistance prior to meeting and marrying. We ultimately bought a SFH together: I received no assistance for my "half" of the downpayment, closing costs, etc. My spouse's "half" did come from an inheritance, however, we bought a house we would've been able to afford either way and just used the inheritance in place of existing savings.

2. How do you resolve disagreements with your spouse about how much support to provide adult kids and at what cost? What would you do if your spouse were spending down assets on adult kids without your blessing, which you didn't give because you legitimately believe you couldn't afford it?

Can't weight in on this.

3. When your adult kid visits, do you cover 100% of the costs of their trip? For example, do you pay for their airline ticket, groceries, meals out, etc?

Fortunately, I live within driving distance. However, when I do visit my parents they pay for meals out, coffee runs, and all activities. My grandparents did the same for my parents when we were growing up.

4. When you vacation with your adult kids, do you also cover 100% of the costs? Not just the housing, but for example, do you pay for their round of golf, ski lift ticket, or other activities?

Have not vacationed as an adult with my parents: my in-laws have taken us to Europe and various other vacations and generously pay for everything. However, these are typically trips they want to take regardless and they WANT company, so this is the incentive to get people to go.

5. An adult kid who has graduated and is employed visits and makes their own plans. Is it reasonable for them to expect to be able to take your car while they visit? And if there is a schedule conflict?

I would hope that an adult child would be sensitive of the needs of the car owner: I certainly would. Why can't they take and pay for an Uber/Lyft?

6. Would you help with graduate school, law school, medical school, or an MBA if it required you to keep working later than planned? If you do it for one kid, do you need to do it for their younger siblings, too?

My parents made it clear that graduate school would be my own responsibility, for me and my siblings. I may go in the future but am trying to be creative about loan repayment opportunities, working pt, etc. Not a big deal.


What I appreciate / think my parents did well is that the financial help they've given me has not been to get me accustomed to a lifestyle I wouldn't have been able to afford otherwise (for example, funding a luxury 1BR in the city when I moved to DC, helping me pay a credit card bill, paying for a full MBA/law school degree, purchasing a fancy car). They have done thoughtful things that have been a huge help and I've been excited to receive, but wasn't expecting.
For example, when I did buy my house, they purchased a piece of furniture for me I'd been holding off on buying due to other expenses. They also surprised me by paying for my honeymoon airline tickets with miles they had.

I am grateful for my parents, didn't expect anything more, and hope I can help my kids the same way
Anonymous
Post 10/16/2025 07:51     Subject: At what cost do you help your adult kids after getting them through college?
Anonymous wrote:As soon as their rent is up after graduation, the gravy train stops. They're welcome to move back home for a few months after graduation while they figure it out, but that's all they get. They're also welcome to join us on family vacations, but need to drive/fly self.

I think parents paying for anything past college graduation is non-sense. No....I am not going to pay for your graduate degree....get a job kid and figure it out.


Ha!
DCUM doesn’t play by those rules.
Waiting for the rich responses.
Anonymous
Post 10/15/2025 15:19     Subject: At what cost do you help your adult kids after getting them through college?
Anonymous wrote:I'm seeking a sanity check on whether these things are reasonable. I'm most interested in hearing from people who are well off but not rich, with adult kids in their twenties who graduated from college without debt and have good jobs.

1. How much does helping your 20-something kids affect your budget and retirement plans? I'm not as interested in hearing from people who have $10m or more, but from people still working and saving for retirement. Are you willing to keep working after 65 to be able to pay for grad school, weddings, down payments, etc?

2. How do you resolve disagreements with your spouse about how much support to provide adult kids and at what cost? What would you do if your spouse were spending down assets on adult kids without your blessing, which you didn't give because you legitimately believe you couldn't afford it?

3. When your adult kid visits, do you cover 100% of the costs of their trip? For example, do you pay for their airline ticket, groceries, meals out, etc?

4. When you vacation with your adult kids, do you also cover 100% of the costs? Not just the housing, but for example, do you pay for their round of golf, ski lift ticket, or other activities?

5. An adult kid who has graduated and is employed visits and makes their own plans. Is it reasonable for them to expect to be able to take your car while they visit? And if there is a schedule conflict?

6. Would you help with graduate school, law school, medical school, or an MBA if it required you to keep working later than planned? If you do it for one kid, do you need to do it for their younger siblings, too?


1. I would not extend my retirement date or crimp my budget to help kids unless it was something like a medical issue
2. Not an issue for us
3. Not an issue, our graduated kid lives in the same city. But we do pay for him if we're all going out to dinner or we invite him to go to a movie, event, etc.
4. We pay for everything on a vacation except if they wanted to do something that we weren't going to do (e.g. golf since DH and I don't golf) then I'd expect him to pay for that.
5. Yes, fine to borrow one of our cars. My parents let me and DH do that when we visited until they no longer had a car to borrow (when I was in my 50s).
6. We would give an interest-free loan to help with grad school but not paying it outright (that's what my parents did). Same policy for both kids.
Anonymous
Post 10/15/2025 15:08     Subject: At what cost do you help your adult kids after getting them through college?
I don't want to pay for things like a wedding, beyond maybe 5k or so to contribute. It's weird in our families: Both in-laws and my parents got a ton of help in all the ways, and dh and I got none. It was difficult being entirely on our own (that includes during college), but we made it. I would still not want dcs to struggle the way we did and plan on helping some, but not with frivolous expenses.
Anonymous
Post 10/15/2025 10:46     Subject: At what cost do you help your adult kids after getting them through college?
As soon as their rent is up after graduation, the gravy train stops. They're welcome to move back home for a few months after graduation while they figure it out, but that's all they get. They're also welcome to join us on family vacations, but need to drive/fly self.

I think parents paying for anything past college graduation is non-sense. No....I am not going to pay for your graduate degree....get a job kid and figure it out.
Anonymous
Post 09/30/2025 13:20     Subject: At what cost do you help your adult kids after getting them through college?
I think I'm going to put $19k per kid into a UTMA for them to use for young adult expenses after they graduate - this could be for a down payment, wedding, rent their first few months, whatever. I'll have already given them a car. I plan to be retired by the time the oldest graduates, and it eases my anxiety to just set aside some money in a bucket for them and tell them that's all there is and it's theirs to manage. I'll communicate what's there, so expectations about future assistance after undergrad are clear. Plus, they can use whatever is left in their 529 plans after undergrad. They have enough for Stanford, but it might make sense for them to go to UVA instead and use the rest for medical school if that's what is calling them.
Anonymous
Post 09/30/2025 13:09     Subject: At what cost do you help your adult kids after getting them through college?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm seeking a sanity check on whether these things are reasonable. I'm most interested in hearing from people who are well off but not rich, with adult kids in their twenties who graduated from college without debt and have good jobs.



1. How much does helping your 20-something kids affect your budget and retirement plans? I'm not as interested in hearing from people who have $10m or more, but from people still working and saving for retirement. Are you willing to keep working after 65 to be able to pay for grad school, weddings, down payments, etc?

Does not affect at all. The only expenses I have for adult children are if we take them out for dinner, and their birthdays/Christmas presents. I am planning to work at least to 65 because I love what I am doing and maybe scale down after that, if health permits. I am 50 right now and as of now, I do not plan to pay for grad school, weddings, down payments, unless I will have an unexpected income increase.

2. How do you resolve disagreements with your spouse about how much support to provide adult kids and at what cost? What would you do if your spouse were spending down assets on adult kids without your blessing, which you didn't give because you legitimately believe you couldn't afford it?

We are on the same page now: kids will get our assets only after both of us deceased. I am 10 years younger than my spouse, so he wants to make sure I have enough money during retirement.

3. When your adult kid visits, do you cover 100% of the costs of their trip? For example, do you pay for their airline ticket, groceries, meals out, etc? We cover travels to and from home while they were in college (youngest is still in college), after they got a job - they pay for their travels.

4. When you vacation with your adult kids, do you also cover 100% of the costs? Not just the housing, but for example, do you pay for their round of golf, ski lift ticket, or other activities? No. We invite them and tell them that the house is paid, and we will treat them for 2 dinners, but the rest of the cost they have to cover themselves.

5. An adult kid who has graduated and is employed visits and makes their own plans. Is it reasonable for them to expect to be able to take your car while they visit? And if there is a schedule conflict? I think it is reasonable if the car is not used at that time. If the car is needed, they can uber or use public transportation.

6. Would you help with graduate school, law school, medical school, or an MBA if it required you to keep working later than planned? If you do it for one kid, do you need to do it for their younger siblings, too? More likely not, but I might be in the situation where I will change my mind. No automatic payment for all siblings, some of the kids chose the major that will not require grad school (engineering), or more likely their jobs will pay for grad school. One is in PhD fully funded program.


I would not work longer to pay for weddings/grad school/etc for my grown kids. We can afford it for ours, but if we couldn't we would not delay retirement. Best gift you can give your kids is you not being a burden during your elder years


You are teaching them they don’t have to save and don’t have to budget. They won’t have savings to help you if you drain your savings and then need medical care. Take a stroll over to the elder care forum and read the monthly costs for in home and out of the home care. If those posts don’t shock you into saving for your own retirement and medical care, then you maybe are more well off than you posted- in which case, do whatever you want and hope you have $ left when need it.


Our kids are quite frugal and budget and save. They also know we pay for many extras and that we can afford our elder care costs ourselves. I'm well aware of aging care costs. Paying to help our parents, but we are completely covered in the UHNW category.

But you can still teach wealthy kids to save and budget. Daily our kids manage as if they don't get extras. But they know we pay for vacations and extras, they know they wont have to save for their kids education and we will help with a home downpayment. Why wait to give them the Money when we die


I don't know why...but it feels weird and controlling to pay for specific things vs. set up trusts, put a bunch of $$$s in it and then tell them to use it how they see fit. I assume when you say you will pay for vacations...you mean vacations that include you, correct?

If my kid is responsible and generally also saving their own money and we have tons, I don't care if they decide they are going to purchase a $100k car as an example.


Yes, if you want to go on luxury vacations with us, we will pay. Keeps the family gathering when we all live in different areas. If you want to do things with your friends, you will pay for yourself. Like 99.9% of 20 somethings have to do. And yes, given that I'm wealthy and have yet to spend $100K on a vehicle, the money is not there to assist our kids with that. It's there to enhance their lives, but not make them spoiled brats. Also my 26 yo didn't even want a "luxury car" when they got a new one, even though we would have paid, because they don't like the "look it gives at work and with friends". You need a safe reliable car for life, but you don't need a luxury sports car worth 6 figures +. That money is for education, a home so you are in a good area with a short commute, etc.

So yes while in their 20s, we have some control over how the money is spent. To keep our kids grounded, and we have done a good job and all 3 kids are just that.

Anonymous
Post 09/29/2025 12:22     Subject: At what cost do you help your adult kids after getting them through college?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm seeking a sanity check on whether these things are reasonable. I'm most interested in hearing from people who are well off but not rich, with adult kids in their twenties who graduated from college without debt and have good jobs.



1. How much does helping your 20-something kids affect your budget and retirement plans? I'm not as interested in hearing from people who have $10m or more, but from people still working and saving for retirement. Are you willing to keep working after 65 to be able to pay for grad school, weddings, down payments, etc?

Does not affect at all. The only expenses I have for adult children are if we take them out for dinner, and their birthdays/Christmas presents. I am planning to work at least to 65 because I love what I am doing and maybe scale down after that, if health permits. I am 50 right now and as of now, I do not plan to pay for grad school, weddings, down payments, unless I will have an unexpected income increase.

2. How do you resolve disagreements with your spouse about how much support to provide adult kids and at what cost? What would you do if your spouse were spending down assets on adult kids without your blessing, which you didn't give because you legitimately believe you couldn't afford it?

We are on the same page now: kids will get our assets only after both of us deceased. I am 10 years younger than my spouse, so he wants to make sure I have enough money during retirement.

3. When your adult kid visits, do you cover 100% of the costs of their trip? For example, do you pay for their airline ticket, groceries, meals out, etc? We cover travels to and from home while they were in college (youngest is still in college), after they got a job - they pay for their travels.

4. When you vacation with your adult kids, do you also cover 100% of the costs? Not just the housing, but for example, do you pay for their round of golf, ski lift ticket, or other activities? No. We invite them and tell them that the house is paid, and we will treat them for 2 dinners, but the rest of the cost they have to cover themselves.

5. An adult kid who has graduated and is employed visits and makes their own plans. Is it reasonable for them to expect to be able to take your car while they visit? And if there is a schedule conflict? I think it is reasonable if the car is not used at that time. If the car is needed, they can uber or use public transportation.

6. Would you help with graduate school, law school, medical school, or an MBA if it required you to keep working later than planned? If you do it for one kid, do you need to do it for their younger siblings, too? More likely not, but I might be in the situation where I will change my mind. No automatic payment for all siblings, some of the kids chose the major that will not require grad school (engineering), or more likely their jobs will pay for grad school. One is in PhD fully funded program.


I would not work longer to pay for weddings/grad school/etc for my grown kids. We can afford it for ours, but if we couldn't we would not delay retirement. Best gift you can give your kids is you not being a burden during your elder years


You are teaching them they don’t have to save and don’t have to budget. They won’t have savings to help you if you drain your savings and then need medical care. Take a stroll over to the elder care forum and read the monthly costs for in home and out of the home care. If those posts don’t shock you into saving for your own retirement and medical care, then you maybe are more well off than you posted- in which case, do whatever you want and hope you have $ left when need it.


Our kids are quite frugal and budget and save. They also know we pay for many extras and that we can afford our elder care costs ourselves. I'm well aware of aging care costs. Paying to help our parents, but we are completely covered in the UHNW category.

But you can still teach wealthy kids to save and budget. Daily our kids manage as if they don't get extras. But they know we pay for vacations and extras, they know they wont have to save for their kids education and we will help with a home downpayment. Why wait to give them the Money when we die


I don't know why...but it feels weird and controlling to pay for specific things vs. set up trusts, put a bunch of $$$s in it and then tell them to use it how they see fit. I assume when you say you will pay for vacations...you mean vacations that include you, correct?

If my kid is responsible and generally also saving their own money and we have tons, I don't care if they decide they are going to purchase a $100k car as an example.