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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Poster on 10/15/2025 @ 13:54, are you local, and, if so, would you mind sharing who your attorney is?

Anyone else out there in this situation with a good lawyer to recommend for dealing with a narc, especially in NoVa?[/quote]

I think you’re asking me and I’m not local, but there seem to be at least 1-2  attorneys on this thread so I am hoping one of them can pop in with a recommendation for you.

I found mine not by looking for someone with experience specifically with narcissism (that seems to attract a certain kind of attorney that wasn’t the type I was looking for) but rather experience with litigation, high-conflict, and high net-worth divorce in that order. Don’t be afraid to talk to acquaintances who work way outside of family law, even if you have to fib and say it’s for a friend- my best referrals were from attorneys in random areas of practice.

One I got to initial consults, that’s when I started asking about mental health issues, how that might impact custody, etc. If you can, try to complete at least 3-4 legal consults at a slow pace to get the lay of the land and really understand how different attorneys operate.

Even though I work with attorneys daily in my job, I did not understand how to judge attorney’s working personalities within family law until many intake calls, forms, and maybe 4 consults. It feels like a very different corner of the legal world from anything I have encountered in my professional career and that made it hard to make a personal representation decision.[/quote]

Agree with the above.

I was MoCo when divorcing a high income narc with several mental disorder Dxs (not that those matter in family court! Nor nanny cams of verbal abuse. Or recordings.) Some attys websites say experience with trauma or abuse or mental disorder cases.

One i met with was clearly going to fight everything and run up the bill. 
Another was very strategic and laid out five options, including changing jobs to another state and moving with the kids first.
Two more were recommended by my PhD psychologist - one knew judges and wanted to go the restraining order route to kick things off when only certain judges would be working.  The fourth was low conflict, feed the ego, lay low, mediate strategy— he actually worked several pro bono abuse divorce cases each year with a shelter and had a lot of tips.

Finally, the pediatrician documented neglect and “accidents” for at least two incidents plus had called CPS, I now know. 
FYI, if you know he’s a danger to the kids and they go out and do dumb stuff at 7am and come back injured, you are complicit. 
FYI, most therapists will not document your sessions nor are willing to take the stand in family court — that doesn’t drive their billable hours. But the ones who understand the hell you are suffering through will. I had an intern at all my 6 mos of sessions typing everything down. I’d imagine they’d use whisperly or AI speak to text now if you consented.

Good luck. Get the kids therapy too, but they are often in people pleaser mode to the bully parent and healthy parent. It’s a sad situation with no good options. Women are so damn strong. We have to be. [/quote]

My child is definitely in people pleaser mode to the bully. [/quote]

Mine too. And I’m the punching bag. It makes it tough because the bully/STBX runs to his attorney saying “we have so much fun together, they’re fine, they love being with me” and accuses me of lying about their emotional state. And then the kids come home and melt down because they’re so upset with him, but when their therapists or I suggest that they just share their feelings with him, they’re absolutely terrified to do so. Which is fair because they know from past experience that they would face consequences for that, like verbal abuse or the silent treatment.[/quote]

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