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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]lol, you don’t know why she says no but she says “ something about how I’m not helping run the family and then I get angry when it’s brought up” so maybe if you don’t get angry when she tells you she is caring for the entire and wants help, maybe start there.  Besides cleaning, plan and cook some meals, organize a family outing or cart kids around to activities could be a place to start[/quote]

Yeah, it’s really smart to have sex with your husband conditional on helping with cleaning and cooking. Not having sex for years will definitely help him see your perspective.

Clearly the household chores should be shared, but it depends on career choices financial considerations etc.

Then you’ll figure out he is getting it elsewhere and feel betrayed that he wanted something else. [/quote]

I don’t know a single woman who has felt more betrayed by a husband cheating than she did about him not participating in the family life that they decided to create together.  For most women who are cheated on, the use of time and family resources on the affair is the main source of resentment.

Imagine that her not having sex with you when you don’t help with cooking and cleaning is like you refusing to cook dinner for her when she screwed the neighbor that afternoon.  Sure.  It isn’t going to help your marriage to refuse.  But is it really a reasonable thing to ask you to do?  [/quote]

Then it’s about finding an arrangement that works for both of you. He has to wine and dine the AP to get some, and you can ask for hired help for the domestic chores. Sounds like a win-win for both of you, definitely your DH might be fine with it. That, or an expensive divorce that will ruin your kids lives. Don’t be selfish! Curious to see how you’d see this resolved acceptably.[/quote]

Pp here.  I posted earlier about how this was resolved acceptably.  DH adjusted his priorities and started participating in our family life. We talk and joke a lot.  Kiss a lot.  Hold hands a lot.  
Yesterday,  I drove two hours each way to pick my son up at camp.  While I was gone, DH and the kids cleaned up the house and did a couple loads of laundry.  In the evening, we went to mass, had dinner as a family, and we all walked over to get ice cream. Afterward, DH and went on a run and had sex in the shower while the kids were playing video games in the basement.

He was like OP for a long time. Most Saturdays he would be gone before I would get up and home in time for dinner, then spend the rest of the evening on the couch because he was exhausted.  
This is a huge shift.  We have less money and he isn’t as big of a deal at work.  He doesn’t have the body he did.  Walking to get ice cream and going on a run with your wife doesn’t produce the results that hours lifting weights does.  But it’s not like he has some kind of miserable life.  We have a nice family and a nice life.

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