Reply to Why do women always get mad at the other woman?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sometimes a marriage breaks because of the other women. Men do actually leave their wives for someone else. And sometimes the marriage with the other woman is a happy marriage that lasts.
I know one such family.[/quote]

[b]The guy's marriage was probably broken long before the other woman came along.  He would eventually have left his wife even if he didn't have an affair.  The affair was just validation that he could be happy with someone else and that there were other options than sticking with a crappy marriage.[/b]
 [/quote]
I always say it takes 2 to make a marriage, and 2 to break it. There has to be something wrong for the other spouse to have an affair. To be angry at the third party is natural, because that is what you need to do in order to be innocent, and to admit that you are not so perfect is hard.
All relationships are not long term, neither are all marriages[/quote]

It takes two to break a marriage, but only one to have an affair. Sorry, but that's like blaming alcoholism on a bad marriage. "I drink because our marriage sucks!" It's just blaming, and the affair is just a clutch. The vast majority of affairs cause a lot of pain for everyone involved, including those in the affair. It's short-term gain/instant gratification for a long of long term mess, usually. [/quote]

PP -

As someone who has had an affair, from my perspective did it hurt my husband?  Yes.  Did it hurt the other man's wife?  Yes.  Did it hurt me and the guy I had an affair with?  No.  We both had already checked out of the marriage long before the affair began.

If we were happy in our marriages, would we have been drawn to each other?  Probably not.  Are we happier now that our marriages are over?  Yes.  Sure we probably should have separated and divorced first but we both were unsure of that final step.  I think the fact that we found each other confirmed to us that our marriages were over.

Hard to understand unless you have been there.

[/quote]

I disagree. Acting selfishly with no regard for anyone but you always hurts you in the end.[/quote]

.[/quote]

You sound like quite the victim. No one can entrap you if they can't prevent you from having an affair. That makes no sense. You could have left. It was your decision. Instead you took a cowardly way out, and screwed some loser married guy. I don't get women or men who settle for such low hanging fruity.[/quote]

I think marriage has to be based on more than love. It is a partnership, particularly when kids are involved.   Leaving because the love is gone seems a little immature, shallow.  The caveat is that it is no longer a partnership where physical abuse is involved.[/quote]

I'm confused. Are you saying having an affair is the way to go? I disagree with you there. Especially if there are children involved. An affair takes time and energy and if you are taking that way from the family, it is wrong. It sounds like a lot of justification. And you got divorced anyway so doesn't sound like the affair helped anything.

Anyway, I'm sorry for what you've gone through. I imagine divorce with kids is hell. [/quote]

PP here.  No, no no.  One of the earlier PPs said she didn't feel love anymore and that's why she stepped out.  I responded that love should not be the only thing in a marriage, especially when children are involved.  Even if you don't feel love, I think you should stay committed to the marriage and to the family.[/quote]

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