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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]No, I’m not a cheater. If one gets what they want, no need to look elsewhere. Don’t BS yourself.
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You keep betraying your complete lack of understanding of psychiatry and psychology.  A person with a personality disorder or unresolved trauma, etc. can be getting everything they want/need in their marriage AND be a cheater because they are so broken that they compartmentalize or lack empathy or are narcissistic or a million other scenarios. At a minimum, you lack the knowledge and integrity to recognize this.[/quote]

It's also a self-protective stance . . . if I can figure out why people get cheated on, then I can avoid it happening to me. It's creating a false sense of safety that must be lacking for the person somehow. It's the same phenomenon with people who jump in after a child dies in a hot car to say "I would NEVER do that." I know someone whose child died unexpectedly a few months ago, and my brain really wanted to know how/why so that I could reassure myself it wouldn't happen to my kids. It's a very human thing, but it becomes sad when it involves berating people who are already suffering just to soothe your own cognitive dissonance.

What I told myself after my STBX's first affair was, if he cheats again, I will figure it out. I can't trust another person 100% because I'm not inside his brain, but I can trust myself, that I will be fine no matter what comes. So from that place of safety I can allow other people to be responsible for themselves and hold my boundaries. I will be hurt in this life. I will suffer loss. But I will always have my own back. I will always find love and connection, even if it's not where I originally hoped. -novel lady[/quote]

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