Reply to DD wants to bring dullard bf for Christmas

Forum Index » Adult Children

Reply to "DD wants to bring dullard bf for Christmas"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you refuse to have him at Christmas, you’ll push her deeper into the relationship with him.  It will be the two of them against you and you’ll give them something to bond over.  Your actions will lead to undesirable results.  [/quote]
+1
Unlike others here, I think you are 100% justified to be repulsed at the idea of a dimwit clinging to your dd. You do have to be accepting and it will dampen the holidays but put on a good face because the alternative is pushing her away. Right now she is blind to how her boyfriend is perceived but give her space to decide on her own.[/quote]

Best advice. Remember, "Keep your enemies closer..."?  Having him for the holiday will give you a chance to spend more time with him. Either you may find he has some redeeming qualities you weren't aware of, or you will be quietly able to take note of concerning behaviors (which may negatively affect your daughter - like gambling, drinking, etc.) to keep an eye on.  [/quote]

This is OP.
He came, and everything turned out OK. He does have a sense of humor, which DH and I were surprised by. He's previously seemed so dull, so that was a point in his favor. And DD and he get along well. She seems very happy with him.
I had a long conversation with her, and told her about my concerns. She seemed to listen. I didn't criticize him at all, but I told her I was worried that sometimes smart women like her can be too accommodating of men. I don't dislike him. I don't want her to shrink to fit him, and [b]I can see that happening in subtle ways I don't think she even notices[/b]. And he is very touchy and clingy around her, which I find annoying. DH commented on it after they left. It's one-sided. DD is not clinging to him. [/quote]

My mom frequently notices things too. The sentence usually goes something like “I want to talk to you about _____. You don’t notice it because (you’re busy/too close to the situation/etc) but I notice it.” In almost all cases, she is either completely wrong, misreading the situation, or I’m already aware of it. The result is that I don’t share what goes on in my life with her other than at surface level.

Given that you didn’t even know he had a sense of humor, are you willing to admit that you don’t really know him or their relationship? She knows what you think even if you didn’t criticize him directly, and it will affect your relationship. Just trust her.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics