Reply to Svelte teen girls -- being the ugly duckling in a school of swans

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[quote=Anonymous]I was an overweight teenage girl--plump, not obese, but definitely overweight. I was also a social misfit. I lost 20 pounds between sophomore and junior year and thought that would cure my social problems. It didn't. I remained a social misfit.  I regained 10 of the 20 pounds before high school graduation.

Then I went to college and lost 20 pounds plus my freshman year without trying. I never became homecoming queen but I built a good social network and dated.

I was happy. I'm one of those people who overeats when I'm unhappy. If OP's D is constantly snacking, it may be that eating is form of self-soothing. Getting busy helps somewhat with the constant snacking. Finding something she likes doing with people she likes will help even more. So, I would focus more on the daughter finding something she enjoys doing--even if it is not a sport. Yes, exercise is good for us but it rarely is a good way to lose weight. It has to be combined with some form of dieting for most people in order to lose weight. I don't think a ninth grader should be encouraged to diet. Healthy eating, yes. Dieting, no.

I'd listen to your D. Don't wade in with advice, at least in the beginning. She just needs a safe place to vent. Listen. Avoid offering advice. ESPECIALLY avoid offering advice about eating. But after a while, you might ask if there are any other new girls she might like to invite to do something. Not just hang out--go to a show, go to some outdoor event, or to see a women's sports team if she enjoys watching sports. Whatever. and let D pick the girl, even if the girl is thin and from a wealthy family. It just has to be someone else who is new and the D likes. [/quote]

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