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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Parenting happens by putting in the hours. Yes you can outsource drives but it’s during the drives that you have the deep talks with your kids or you eavesdrop on them with their friends to get a sense of who your kid is and what emotional needs they might have. Yes you can outsource the cooking but kids will not be nostalgic for your meals after they move away. You can’t have three kids and work those long hours unless you actually don’t value them as your offspring, in which case yes you can go ahead and outsource the whole enterprise.

[b]I scaled back my work considerably when I realized how much time parenting takes (and that DH wasn’t going to be much help)[/b]. It wasn’t planned and of course I’ve been miserable about it. My kids are now headed to college and I’ve ramped up my career a lot but  my career is nowhere near what it would have been without kids. I wish I could have had a 120% career but I wouldn’t have been able to handle the guilt over shortchanging my kids. [/quote]
So, do you not consider your DH to be a real parent? And how reliant are you and your kids on his income?

I don't think attitudes like this help anyone. It's true that kids need unstructured time with their parents, but there are a lot of ways to achieve that. I cook meals on weekends, but their nanny does on weekdays. DS loves a couple of my meals, and he loves a couple of hers. I do drives sometimes, but honestly I don't enjoy them at all. Driving to activities through traffic makes me stressed out, so I don't know how much I get out of interacting with my kids in those moments. Instead, they have a mom who is relatively relaxed in the evenings and weekends...even when cooking, running errands etc. Maybe I'm destined to be a terrible mother regardless, but so far my kids seem pretty happy and well-adjusted. And for sure, I know I'm a better mother than I would be if I were spending my time doing things I don't enjoy instead of getting fulfillment both at home and at work.[/quote]

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