Reply to How does a judge decide custody when all the factors to be considered seem equal?

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Reply to "How does a judge decide custody when all the factors to be considered seem equal?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If the child is 5, she's probably starting K. If you agree to ROFR, for say 4 hours, the gf can watch her after school,  because dad said he gets home at 6 and school usually gets out at 3.

If Dad is working on a non school day, and Mom is available, she would have her. This applies both ways btw, if Mom was not available Dad could have her.

[/quote]

Why would OP agree to this when the mom is erratic and vindictive? I these circumstances it’s better for the parents to have fewer points of friction and more boundaries. [/quote]

It's in the best interest of the child to have time with both parents. It's not all about the adults.[/quote]

I think you’re confused. The custody order would provide for each parent to have time with the child. “Best interests” does not mean that the non-custodial parent gets to take the child during the custodial parent’s time. [b]In fact this could be needlessly disruptive and bad for the child. [/b][/quote]
Why do people keep saying this? The girl can be with mom from 3-8 or with GF 3-6, then dad 6-8. What am I missing here??? I feel like I am taking crazy pills. Is this happening basically every day and if mom got the kid on the days dad was working dad would basically never get the daughter M-F? Is dad doing this because mom has a stronger argument for custody because she has more availability? [/quote]

You’re missing the fact that OP’s ex appears to be a nutcase, and in those cases, it’s better to have clearer boundaries.

You also misunderstand the pitfalls of ROFR. OP needs childcare to cover the few hours before he gets home from work. What happens when his erratic ex agrees to take the kid then backs out at the last minute?

The point of a child custody agreement is in part to reduce conflict by making everything very clear. ROFR introduces a huge amount of variability that can cause conflict. Moreover, it’s not clear that it’s bad for the child to spend a few hours a day with a grandparent or step-parent figure. That should be the decision of a custodial parent. Also ROFR can lead to ridiculous results, like a kid not being allowed to go to a sleepover or stay overnight with beloved cousins.

There are some good scenarios for ROFR. I’d probably want some version of it if I had shared custody of a baby. But overall it introduces a lot of complexity. There’s plenty written on it: https://www.bryanfagan.com/blog/2024/may/ask-yourself-is-including-a-right-of-first-refus/[/quote]

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