Reply to My wife thinks I need to see a therapist, I think I'm aware of my problems

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[quote=Anonymous]I think that there is an important difference between a spouse saying “I think that therapy would help you” and them saying something like “I want/need you to go to therapy”.

To me, the former is: they think that you may be distressed or less happy or at peace etc than you could be. They love you, they don’t want you to suffer or still be caught up (perhaps at a subconscious level) with issues that stem from childhood experiences or family of origin baggage. If I understand you OP, you are both doubting that you have that kind of baggage, AND rejecting the suggestion that therapy could be helpful to you in any way.

I feel like you get to make that call, and it sounds like you have found other methods of self exploration and improvement, which is great. But I would still suggest that you consider remaining open to the possibility that  you might be protesting too much that therapy seem useless…. I have known a few people with this perspective who really clung to it out of something like deep fear of the vulnerability that is required in truly good therapy. They were able to point to unskillful therapists or their own “superior” methods as evidence that they were right about therapy. But it all stemmed from a kind of defense mechanism. I invite you to consider whether that might be going on with you, even a little bit.

The latter possibility that I mentioned above is that a spouse is saying: some aspect of your behavior, mood, reactions, ability to really be a good partner- it is not good for me and/or our family. I need/want you to hear and acknowledge that, AND I need you to commit to work on changing it. And therapists are people who are professionally trained to help people work on those changes. (If medication could be part of the solution, they are trained to identify that and to refer you to a prescriber.) I recommend that you get a crystal clear answer from your wife if something like this is at least partly behind her suggestions of therapy. If so, it really is on you to be open to the possibility that what you are doing has not been (fully) working, and that you just might need to find some help to make things better. Therapist, body worker, trauma expert, brain-based or somatic practitioner… there are a LOT of approaches to helping people who had messed up parents resolve or improve their issues.

Be gentle and kind to yourself, but also don’t let yourself off the hook too easily, and maybe don’t be so insistent that you know what you need and what will work for you. 
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