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[quote=Anonymous]So many non answers in this thread. My husband is a feminist. You need someone who is OK with a woman working outside the home. Talk about it beforehand. I had a friend who married a traditional guy. She married just before law school. Got a law degree. Went into law and then... her husband expected her to quit her job to stay at home when they were going to start a family. What did he expect when she went to law school? Did it come as a surprise she wanted to be a lawyer? Truly the mind boggles. They divorced (his idea). So, I'd say don't expect that this assumption on your part is going to be understood without a discussion.

Does he cook for you? Clean his own place? There's a great set of quotes from Michelle Obama that I can't find right now, but it's about looking at the person, not the bank account. Look at how he treats his mother and kids he is not related to.

I have a lot of friends who are married with kids, and the ones that seem the least equitable are the ones where the mom stays home. They've ended up where the husband doesn't do much with the kids. It happens slowly. This is not to say you can't stay home with kids, (BUT!) your husband needs to know what it feels like to take care of the kids alone, day after day. I always recommend your husband take paternity leave alone for some period of time. Let him figure it out alone. Let him be messy and tired and exhausted when you get home. He needs to know what that feels like to truly get it. And then you won't be the only one who is the baby expert, and you will feel confident leaving the kid alone with him.

Green flags = how he talks about influential women and being supportive of your career. Would he vote for a hypothetical woman for president (either party, assume she's "qualified" as much as any man on the ballot)? I feel like that is baseline to be considered a feminist for me, these days.

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