My husband has a more traditional mindset than I do, but only for men if that makes sense. Like he thinks it's his job to provide for the family and told me when we had our first kid that I could stay home if I wanted to, but he's supportive of my career and doesn't get pissy that I outearn him. I feel like this is a strange combination based on these boards (men with higher earning wives seem furious about it here, or use it to say she's not feminine enough), but I'm happy about it. He's also a very hands-on dad. He's also fine with letting me handle 90% of our finances, which is my preference and interest.

Green flags were: his dad is awesome so he has that role model, he is a very good friend (and has close female friends), he has a very good/stable job but doesn't derive his sense of self from career stuff, and we had a lot of conversations around expectations of fairness.

Anonymous wrote:I am a feminist. I guess my husband is too since he supports my ability to vote, have my own credit card, have my own bank account, my own car, and so on. Green flag is he loves me for ne, warts and all

I am a conservative, Trump-loving white male, but I definitely support the rights of all women to do everything on this list.

Anonymous wrote:I’m a feminist who is married. My husband isn’t a good feminist. We can’t all be everything.

This one. My husband isn’t a bad feminist really either.

So many non answers in this thread. My husband is a feminist. You need someone who is OK with a woman working outside the home. Talk about it beforehand. I had a friend who married a traditional guy. She married just before law school. Got a law degree. Went into law and then... her husband expected her to quit her job to stay at home when they were going to start a family. What did he expect when she went to law school? Did it come as a surprise she wanted to be a lawyer? Truly the mind boggles. They divorced (his idea). So, I'd say don't expect that this assumption on your part is going to be understood without a discussion.

Does he cook for you? Clean his own place? There's a great set of quotes from Michelle Obama that I can't find right now, but it's about looking at the person, not the bank account. Look at how he treats his mother and kids he is not related to.

I have a lot of friends who are married with kids, and the ones that seem the least equitable are the ones where the mom stays home. They've ended up where the husband doesn't do much with the kids. It happens slowly. This is not to say you can't stay home with kids, (BUT!) your husband needs to know what it feels like to take care of the kids alone, day after day. I always recommend your husband take paternity leave alone for some period of time. Let him figure it out alone. Let him be messy and tired and exhausted when you get home. He needs to know what that feels like to truly get it. And then you won't be the only one who is the baby expert, and you will feel confident leaving the kid alone with him.

Green flags = how he talks about influential women and being supportive of your career. Would he vote for a hypothetical woman for president (either party, assume she's "qualified" as much as any man on the ballot)? I feel like that is baseline to be considered a feminist for me, these days.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a strange topic since women over the last 20+ years are doing much better than men economically, financially, educationally, and socially. I think we should be more concerned with how men are doing than women for now.

As I said above;

feminism was never about equality. it has always been about supremacy.

I hope you're being a sarcastic. It's always been about equality. Despite all of the laws, women still earn less than men when they're doing the same job. I'm not talking about a minimum wage job where everybody makes the same amount of money. I'm talking about professional jobs. I work in HR and see payroll and pay rates of everybody and I've done this for several companies. There is definitely a pattern. Of course, there are woman who make a lot more then their male peers, but it's not a pattern.

Also, we still have cases where doctors don't perform tubal ligations to permanently prevent pregnancy on women without permission of the husband. My husband didn't have to get my permission when he got vasectomy. Feminism is about equal pay and equal rights.

Anonymous wrote:This is a strange topic since women over the last 20+ years are doing much better than men economically, financially, educationally, and socially. I think we should be more concerned with how men are doing than women for now.

If the goal of feminism is equality, and women are now in a superior position compared to men, then logically:

- shouldn’t feminists advocate for ceding some of their privilege and advantages to men, at least until equality is achieved?

Anonymous wrote:Feminists can’t agree on a definition of feminism. I doubt they’ll agree on this topic.

+1

Anonymous wrote:This is a strange topic since women over the last 20+ years are doing much better than men economically, financially, educationally, and socially. I think we should be more concerned with how men are doing than women for now.

As I said above;

feminism was never about equality. it has always been about supremacy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is feminism? I think you need to answer that first.

Seriously?

It is a valid point.

Liberal Feminism
Radical Feminism
Conservative Feminism
And many others

There are significant differences in these worldviews.

Conservative Feminism is an oxymoron, in my admittedly biased opinion.

Ok. You are proving my point.

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Anonymous wrote:I was a radical feminist, Andrea Dworkin, Simone de Beauvoir, TERF, all of it, until I became pregnant. Procreation and the cost of creating life to women is the reason men and women will never be equal.

I’m no longer feminist, I’m a realist.

So, you think gendered norms are okay, that it's okay to pay women less for equal work, that women must stay home with the kids, can be fired for being pregnant, must take her husband's last name and can be denied body autonomy? Wow.

Gendered norms exist for a simple reason, they are axiomatic to life because life is created and birthed by the female species. Every single thing regarding gender relations bows to this single fact.

Can we be friends irl? I’m so exhausted of being expected to be a smaller less hairy man.

+1

Men and women can be equally valuable without being equal.

What sort of Orwellian doublethink is this?

If men and women were equal, we would see women regularly beating males in athletic competitions. We’d also see them raping and assaulting at similar rates as males.

Of course neither of these things are true and never will be.

I don’t think anyone is arguing that men and women are biologically the same.

Yeah, not a single feminist has denied there are biological difference between genders. That's science. Feminism is about social constructs that disadvantage one gender in favor of another, usually male.

If there were gender equality, women would receive equal pay for equal work, medical and safety study would be inclusive of women, women would not disproportionately be living in poverty, they would not disproportionately be victims of DV, Congress and CEOs would not be disproportionately male, and, probably most egregious, they would have body autonomy.

Serious question - do you really believe that domestic violence is because of “gender” inequality?

There isn't a single cause for DV but gender iniquity is one of the leading causes. Have you not perused the literature?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a radical feminist, Andrea Dworkin, Simone de Beauvoir, TERF, all of it, until I became pregnant. Procreation and the cost of creating life to women is the reason men and women will never be equal.

I’m no longer feminist, I’m a realist.

So, you think gendered norms are okay, that it's okay to pay women less for equal work, that women must stay home with the kids, can be fired for being pregnant, must take her husband's last name and can be denied body autonomy? Wow.

Gendered norms exist for a simple reason, they are axiomatic to life because life is created and birthed by the female species. Every single thing regarding gender relations bows to this single fact.

Can we be friends irl? I’m so exhausted of being expected to be a smaller less hairy man.

+1

Men and women can be equally valuable without being equal.

What sort of Orwellian doublethink is this?

If men and women were equal, we would see women regularly beating males in athletic competitions. We’d also see them raping and assaulting at similar rates as males.

Of course neither of these things are true and never will be.

I don’t think anyone is arguing that men and women are biologically the same.

Yeah, not a single feminist has denied there are biological difference between genders. That's science. Feminism is about social constructs that disadvantage one gender in favor of another, usually male.

If there were gender equality, women would receive equal pay for equal work, medical and safety study would be inclusive of women, women would not disproportionately be living in poverty, they would not disproportionately be victims of DV, Congress and CEOs would not be disproportionately male, and, probably most egregious, they would have body autonomy.

Serious question - do you really believe that domestic violence is because of “gender” inequality?

Impoverished women experience more domestic violence- they have less autonomy in all aspects of their lives.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is feminism? I think you need to answer that first.

Seriously?

It is a valid point.

Liberal Feminism
Radical Feminism
Conservative Feminism
And many others

There are significant differences in these worldviews.

Conservative Feminism is an oxymoron, in my admittedly biased opinion.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a radical feminist, Andrea Dworkin, Simone de Beauvoir, TERF, all of it, until I became pregnant. Procreation and the cost of creating life to women is the reason men and women will never be equal.

I’m no longer feminist, I’m a realist.

So, you think gendered norms are okay, that it's okay to pay women less for equal work, that women must stay home with the kids, can be fired for being pregnant, must take her husband's last name and can be denied body autonomy? Wow.

Gendered norms exist for a simple reason, they are axiomatic to life because life is created and birthed by the female species. Every single thing regarding gender relations bows to this single fact.

Can we be friends irl? I’m so exhausted of being expected to be a smaller less hairy man.

+1

Men and women can be equally valuable without being equal.

What sort of Orwellian doublethink is this?

If men and women were equal, we would see women regularly beating males in athletic competitions. We’d also see them raping and assaulting at similar rates as males.

Of course neither of these things are true and never will be.

I don’t think anyone is arguing that men and women are biologically the same.

Yeah, not a single feminist has denied there are biological difference between genders. That's science. Feminism is about social constructs that disadvantage one gender in favor of another, usually male.

If there were gender equality, women would receive equal pay for equal work, medical and safety study would be inclusive of women, women would not disproportionately be living in poverty, they would not disproportionately be victims of DV, Congress and CEOs would not be disproportionately male, and, probably most egregious, they would have body autonomy.

Serious question - do you really believe that domestic violence is because of “gender” inequality?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is feminism? I think you need to answer that first.

Seriously?

It is a valid point.

Liberal Feminism
Radical Feminism
Conservative Feminism
And many others

There are significant differences in these worldviews.

Anonymous wrote:What is feminism? I think you need to answer that first.

Seriously?