Reply to Dh does not want a third child but will have one if I want to

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DH was the same as yours and said he'd do it b/c he didn't want me to resent him and we went for it.  And our 3rd is an absolutely gem and we both agree probably our "best" child.

But he absolutely resents the situation overall - that 3 are really tough to manage in long stretches for 1 adult (when they're little for safety and ability to meet everyone's different developmental needs, when they're older for logistics) so we are now basically both on all the time except when we're working.  We don't have family close by and neither of our parents can handle 3 when they visit so there is no hope for getting a weekend away from the kids for years.  Its harder to find a babysitter that can manage 3 to get out.  Its harder to find schools or activities that meet the needs of all 3 so you end up needing 2 adults for drop offs and pick-ups and activities.

We throw an insane amount of money at help to make it doable in an enjoyable.  Of course it's doable without that - but the families i see doing it are stretched very thin without a moment to be a person other than "employee" and "parent".  And by middle / high school everyone I know with 3 has 2 adults shuttling kids around  - whether the 2nd one is both spouses worker shorter hours, hired, or family.  Of course you can skip activities - but are you going to want to?[/quote]

to put a finer point on it - i'm pretty sure DH and I would be divorcing if we couldn't throw a ton of money at easing the burden.  Either me resenting him for not picking up his share (taking care of a 1, 3, and 5yo is HARD....having an adult just watch you do it while you relax instead of making it easier would make me murder him) or him resenting me for forcing him to always be ON whereas with two kids we both still got plenty of breaks. [/quote]

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