Reply to Considering Transition to a Stay at Home Mom

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Do you have family money outside of your husband? This could be a trust, or simply having parents who are “comfortable”.

I know many SAHMs who live idyllic lives, I also know quite a few who have been blind-sided by their spouse’s affairs, addiction / behavior changes, lay-off, or even early death.

Every other week on this website there is a post with the same sob story: their marriage was perfect! Of course it made sense to stay at home with the kids! But after 5 years, DH started spending more and more time at the office, DW did some snooping and surprise surprise, he is cheating.

you never know what the future holds-all of those posts come from people who were in your shoes at one point. If you have family money or your own resources outside of your DH, then you are much better positioned to take care of yourself and your children if things go south. [/quote]

I always hear this as the rationale to continue working, but I also know that in nearly every case where a divorce happens, whether or not the wife works, there is a massive financial blindsiding, given that so few people (in this region particularly because of the high housing costs) live on their income solely and live below their means. So the families with an HHI of $400k where the wife brings in $150k and DH $250k - they are as screwed as the SAH family with same HHI because the dual working family cannot maintain 2 households on that income. Either way, your life is blowing up and everything you thought was your financial reality has to change massively. The risk of divorce in a stable marriage is always there. That should not be your primary deciding factor. [/quote]

I’m sick of the out of touch attitude that it is impossible to live in the dc metro area on an income less than 200K. Would it be a massive lifestyle change? Of course. Is it the same thing as finding yourself alone and jobless and needing to support a family? Of course not.

I have nothing against SAHM, many of my friends who do this are very happy. But, I have other friends (multiple) who found themselves suddenly become either widowed or divocees with little to no warning. And having money or a job helped immensely.

It’s also so tiresome reading thread after thread by some DW who is blindsided by her cheating DH and doesn’t know what to do because she has no money of her own. Of course the first comment is always “Get a job”. I get that it’s massively destabilizing to find out your DH is a cheater, but [b]let’s be real about the risks and impacts about voluntarily choosing to become 100% financially dependent on your spouse.[/b]

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