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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You have three kids and work full-time, so what do you/did you do for childcare? We had twins so we got a nanny (two infants in daycare was only slightly less expensive and way more work). That's how we managed until second grade. At that point our nanny moved and we decided to go without one since we were both working from home (as a result of COVID but we were lucky enough to make it stick) and our school has a bus.

6:30 is the latest I can get up in the morning, so I'm surprised you state it like you wake up really early...what do you do in the morning? Maybe your kids are older so they all get themselves ready and off to school? Ours are in fourth so they can get themselves ready but we all have breakfast together before they get on the bus.

I'm also surprised about your classification as things like laundry as the mental load. Does laundry really take up that much mental energy? Assuming your kids are going to bed at 9 pm, at least some of them are old enough to do their own laundry, right? And groceries - use a delivery service and rotate through meals so you're buying a pretty set list of things every week. Also, make your kids pick some meals and/or have them make one a week. Again, I'm assuming they're old enough for this.

I guess I just assume if you have three kids you're relatively well off, so why don't you hire cleaners since you mentioned cleaning as something on your mental load? Also doctor's appointments - do you have a special needs child? My kids have their annual appointment plus two dentist appointments but I've never felt overwhelmed by doctor's appointments except for when someone has a broken bone or something requiring follow up, but even then it was weeks between appointments. Obviously if you have a child with special needs that is completely different.

As for how I do it - I purposefully didn't have three kids (although again, ours are twins so understand how you could be going for two but end up with three), my husband is an equal partner in everything with the children, pets, and house, and we pay to outsource things like cleaning, yard work, etc. in order to prioritize spending time together with our family. [/quote]

Op here - to answer some of your questions my kids are all still young. 8 years old and younger. So the 8 year old can help with some things but can’t do a lot by herself.

We didn’t have a nanny - all the kids were in some sort of daycare. At one point I had 3 drop offs and 2 pick ups.

I wake up at 6:30 and have an hour to get myself ready and make breakfast and lunches. Kids wake up at 7:30 and we are out the door by 8:20 for school.

I do laundry every day of the week. I grocery shop 2 times a week since we run out of fruit quickly. My kids are not old enough to make a meal a week yet. Oldest can’t stir a pot on a stove without burning herself.

Regarding doctors - I have 3 kids so that means 3 regular check ups, 3 dentist appointments, 3 eye appointments each year for a total of 9 appointments and that doesn’t include the sick visits, broken bones, specialists when needed. I would guess I was at the doctor 20 times this past year and that doesn’t include my own doctor appointments.

[b]My dh works 60-80 hours a week. [/b]I outsource yard work and house cleaning. I do everything else myself. When dh isn’t working he helps - driving kids to sports, doing things around the house, walking the dog. But it’s still a lot. [/quote]

This is your obvious issue. My DH does too, but I don't work. [/quote]

I also have three kids and DH and I work FT - but that's 40 hours/week each, not 60-80.  I wouldn't work if my spouse worked that much.  It's not tenable.[/quote]

Op here - agree this is probably why I am so exhausted. I work a normal 40 hour week and work from home 90% of the time thankfully. [/quote]

PP you're quoting - that's good.  I feel for you, absolutely - mine are a little older now (12, 10, 8) but three kids is no joke, even when they're older.  Is your DH scaling back an option?  Or are there other things you can throw money at (grocery delivery, laundry service)?  As you well know, laundry and groceries take up a lot of time when you have three kids.  Because being exhausted for years on end is hard, to say the least, and older kids need support, too.  In any case, hang in there.[/quote]

Op here - I don’t know how to do laundry help. I have a friend who has laundry help but it’s only once a week. So their clothes pile up for a week then the laundry help does them all and folds them. That wouldn’t work well for me because I do laundry daily.

Grocery help is also difficult - I tried to do delivery but things got replaced with stuff I didn’t like all the time so I quit.

I am all for outsourcing things that I can. We spend a stupid amount on landscaping because I don’t have time to do things like weed the beds. I also have a biweekly cleaner.

It’s more the mental energy of keeping on top of everything. [b]Kids homework, reading logs, sports practices[/b], doctor appointments, etc. [/quote]

Wait, you said your oldest is 8? How much homework could your kids possibly have?! I have nine-year-old twins, and they're in private school, so maybe it's different, but they have had "homework" of some sort since 1st but it was basically just reading. Have them fill out the logs themselves! If they don't, then they don't get credit. They should figure out that out pretty young.

My kids both do a sport they started at 5 that is pretty time-intensive but that's the only sport they do so we commit to it. What are your kids doing at those young ages that are that important? Maybe scale back some there... You chose to have three kids (unless they're triplets or you have a set of surprise twins as the second two), so that means either you have a stay at home parent, more help like a nanny, or they don't do as much stuff.

I don't understand why anyone who isn't rich (i.e. can pay for a nanny/help or can be a SAHM) would have three kids (unless accidental). [/quote]

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