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[quote=Anonymous]From co-regulation article linked above

[quote]Similarly, without coregulation, a child may experience dysregulation, such as outbursts or aggression, and develop a maladaptive coping strategy, such as emotion suppression, that results in internalizing issues.

Coregulation is, therefore, essential in helping a child create calming connections in their brain. Your calming energy is translated to your child’s calmness.

First, Self-Regulate
[b]Parents’ self-regulation is an important part of co-regulation. Adults are role models for their children on how to control their emotions.[/b]  [focus on yourself here, that is all you can control and 1 parent is enough to learn this]

[b]It can be challenging to deal with a screaming, irrational child during acute tantrum episodes, especially if the situation has already triggered big feelings in you.[/b]

Calm your nervous system by taking deep breaths, clearing your mind, and using positive self-talk.

[b]Your past experience, thoughts, and beliefs about emotions will affect how well you manage your emotions.[/b]

Be mindful of your own state of mind and stay in the presence.

[b]If it becomes too difficult for you to control your emotions when your child is upset, seek professional help. In therapy, mental health professionals can assist you in identifying and addressing unresolved issues that could prevent you from being a calm, caring parent.[/b]
[/quote]

Reparenting yourself and helping heal your PTSD from an abusive childhood will first help you, then help your kids. Managing your feelings so you can stay calm, present, and connected will help them co-regulate to calmness. Disconnecting triggers anxiety and more of the behavior you find overwhelming so working on you and your PTSD is the first step.

DBT tools will help everyone. 
https://www.mentalhealth.com/therapy/parenting-and-dialectical-behavior-therapy-and-emotions

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