Reply to Why does my mom drop everything for random people?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Many of the people your parents are helping are only random to you, not to them.  They are mostly their neighbors and friends, who are involved in their daily life.  Those relationships are important.  Obviously family relationships are also important but it sounds like more occasional stuff than everyday stuff.  I'm not surprised when parents make choices that affect their everyday lives and relationships as opposed to random occasional plans with their kids.[/quote]
Well, their kids will be the ones taking care of them and choosing their nursing homes, not their neighbors or yoga classmates. Something to keep in mind.[/quote]

In the 55+ community I live in there are just as many friends and neighbors helping to take care of elderly people on a daily basis as there are adult children doing it.  In fact I know a few whose adult children won't even return a phone call from a concerned friend about struggles their elderly parent is having.  You can rationalize how this must be the fault of the parent but the fact is there are many adult children who just don't want to be bothered.  That's when the people you call random end up picking up the slack because they care.[/quote]

Well maybe some of those parents with the kids who won't return phone calls remember when they, themselves were in need, and their parent was too busy to help.

Example - I go to OB appointment for normal, routine 37 week checkup, and am told baby needs to be born immediately via emergency c-section (like go straight to hospital ASAP) because there might be issues.  Mom has lunch plans or play tickets or something like that, and asks if she can come in a few days as planned (I also have a 1.5 year old at home, her job was pretty much to watch him).  She eventually ended up coming to "help" which consisted of telling me how badly I'd been treating the 18-year babysitter I'd ended up hiring to watch the 1.5 year old because I didn't give her breaks every two-three hours, while I'm in the throws of c-section recovery, nursing a newborn, etc.  Meanwhile, my mom tries to become buddies with the babysitter, and my babysitter feels awkward not wanting to gossip with my mother about how mean I am.

I could go on and on...

In the example above, I would take the phone call, and I would definitely try to help and probably actually drop everything if she truly needed help.  But her little complaints about how I don't bring the kids to visit (I did a few times when they were younger and it was a TORTURE for me because she was so controlling and condescending)... I brush those off.  She complains my kid aren't closer to her... well maybe if every time she/we visited, my kids didn't ask why she yelled at me so much, things would be different. If you were her neighbor at the 55+ community, I'm sure she'd have you convinced I'm the most horrible daughter and that she is a victim.  [/quote]

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