Reply to Rant: I stupidly picked a career that’s not family friendly

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[quote=Anonymous]This is such a common problem for women that I sometimes wish we could reconfigure society so that women could have kids early and then start grad school or careers in their late 20s. Such a large number of jobs are just not conducive to having babies (but could be fine with older kids). Yes you can also just not breastfeed and take a shorter leave and some women are fine with that, but may aren't. So many women have postpartum depression or other issues and I think return to work is a huge part of that -- you feel both desire and pressure to get back to work, but you also feel desire and pressure to be with your baby. It sucks, frankly.

I wound up having a baby late (37) and was thus able to take off two years without huge repercussions because I'd been working over a decade and had great savings (and spouse was well established in career) plus had developed a niche that I knew I could return to after a a break. I did a little consulting during those years so that I maintained contacts and kept my resume fresh, but I'm talking maybe 100 hours of work a year. And then I got a break and tons of time with my baby and also time to take care of myself and recover physically and mentally make the shift to motherhood. I get what a gift this was, I know I'm very lucky.

Most women I know couldn't take off work that long, understandably. Or financially couldn't do it. Most women have kids late 20s and early 30s, and this is the time in your career when you usually have the least power or flexibility.

There are downsides to waiting (it's why I only had 1, plus my pregnancy was not smooth and parenting little kids in your 40s is hard -- you have more patience but less energy). So I wish it was more possible for more women to have kids in their mid-20s, when their bodies will handle it better and fertility is less of an issue, and then once kids were preschool age, they can go to grad school or start the tough part of their careers. I'm not advocating for SAHMs (I mean it's fine if it's what you want, I was basically a SAHM for 2 years and I think it's a valid choice) but you could have a job but not a "career" at that point, and then kick it into high gear once kids are a little older.

I don't know, maybe there's no better way. I just know a lot of women feel this way, and that the way career paths and parenting timelines line up generally kind of screws women.[/quote]

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