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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As I read this thread I suspected this was really a thing about not liking/enjoying your in laws. Nothing wrong with that. But you should be honest with your husband and be prepared to let him and the kids go by themselves.

I’m guessing that if your husband told you that your nuclear family would spend T-giving week in NYC or some other vacation destination your concerns about expense/travel/packing stress would go away immediately. He’ll see right through that, so be honest with him.

Like you, I’m from a foreign country (much closer than Australia).  Christmas was a huge deal in my extended family growing up and I dearly miss it.  I’m talking 25 child first cousins all getting together while the Mom’s and dads did adult stuff.  Walking as an extended family of nearly 50 the three blocks to Midnight Mass where my extended family had been raised. I truly miss it.

We’ve spent 90% of the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays with my in laws here in the USA. Like you, I’d say 80% of that has been at my in laws home which is 3 hours away (car) and we’ve hosted the rest. My in laws are part of a tight knit community, so I’ve incorporated into their traditions and they’ve welcomed me as one of their own. I end up wrangling the kids at the holidays as it is a time for my in laws to catch up given that the family is spread out across the country or childhood friends from the community catch up. I’m not sure how it happened, but at some point about 20 years ago I became the person that cooks Christmas breakfast every single year (pancakes, eggs, sausage and some other items) and I usually cook the Christmas dinner protein. But it isn’t particularly fun for me and I could think of a thousand other places I’d rather be than that mid-size town.

But here is the deal:  my wife treasures that family time when everyone is together and my kids love it, too. It is just two weeks out of the year and so I gladly make the best of it, and, if weather permits, I’ll sneak away for a round of golf one day. [/quote]

It’s not that I don’t like ILs, the dynamic is just different when you’re in someone else’s house for a week or two- it’s their turf so the conversation, the tv, the activities, the food is driven by them and it would be inappropriate to dress too sloppily at any time. I just don’t get the same freedoms I usually would in my own house or on my own vacation. The holidays they came up to us but stayed separately was the best holiday we ever had- we had plenty of time together but I still got to be comfortable in my own space.

I definitely do this for DH. Agree that kid will be happy wherever. Just today he told me how excited he was to go down for thanksgiving, how he loved the food, the space, the outdoors so much. It’s easy to hold a firm line in my head theoretically but the thought of taking that away from him because I don’t want to suck it up makes me feel selfish. [/quote]

As a PP said, if your DH did more when you are there, you could escape more.

I hear you. I hate Florida too. :) but if you’re committed to going because everyone else loves it - which is ok - then you need to find a way to enjoy it too. And that probably mean agreement with DH to have the kids half the time. And during his half, you can leave and do your own thing. Go to a coffee shop, a mall, a library, swim.

Do you work? If so, set up work projects that “need” to be done a couple hours a day.

I can assure you that my husband doesn’t get to skip out on child care just because he works. I work too, I’m the same field. If I can work and come home to parent, so can he. And so can yours whether you work or not. [/quote]

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