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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So, AS ALMOST ALWAYS, the real problem isn’t the kid, it’s the man baby husband. So reading that post $20k in debt isn’t that bad. It’s bad but a lot of people are far, FAR worse off. Put your kid in full time day care, not just a 9-1 preschool. That way he’ll have before and after care. Are you trying to WFH now with your kid around from 1-whenever? That’s unsustainable and your kid is probably bored. At a full day program, he won’t be bored. He’ll be around other kids to entertain him and keep him company and it will be good for both of you. I assume next school year he will be in K? If so, remember that the full day care will just be one year, then he’ll be in school and if you need before/after care it will be cheaper. I would not bother running that past your husband, because he seems checked out and oblivious. I would just research a new place and do it.

Then lean into your career so that in a few years you can leave him. Don’t assume he would want 50-50 physical custody either. Men like that are usually perfectly fine with every other weekend and a few weeks in the summer. You won’t get much in the way of child support, but you will get some. And if you are in a good spot with your career and can be frugal, which it sounds like you can be, you can certainly manage. [/quote]

You are right on your first point about a giant baby husband. But as much as I empathize and can relate to what OP is saying, let's not skate over the part a woman plays in a relationship like this. She enables these behaviors by accepting them. OP enabled her husband for a decade to do all these things. Why would he change out of the blue, things are looking good from where he sits.

OP - you said in your initial post that your husband does a fair share of chores. Why would you say that if it seems he does the bare minimum? Why do you say that your child is unplanned? Going off birth control while having an active sexual life is an act of planning a child. You said you pay bills, then you must have known fully about credit card debt (perhaps not the business taxes though). You need to own your part of the deal. And that would be a good thing - feeling empowered to examine what influence you have on the situation, determining happens next. Accepting the responsibility for yourself can be liberating. Right now you are just dissociating and daydreaming of a condo, etc. that you know you're not going to get. You're not an innately powerless girl child any more than your husband is an immature man baby.[/quote]

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