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[quote=Anonymous]OP here. I don't know if my life is just dissatisfying, but here's the trauma dump if anyone cares to read it.

My husband makes no effort in our marriage. We haven't gone on a date in 3 years. He plans an annual trips with his group of friends from highschool. They do an annual fishing trip for a week. He used to go fishing every weekend on Saturday and sometimes Sunday mornings. He would leave at 5AM and get back by noon, but be tired and need to take a nap. He has 3 hunting trips so far, he's gone on 2/3 with his Dad on weekend trips. He has plenty of time to go out for lunch/breakfast with his Dad on these trips, have barbecues in the evening. My son and I are never invited.

My husband did not get up in the night for the first 2 years of our sons life. We bought a baby brezza so he could try a formula feeding. He blames it on me breastfeeding and him needing to get up at 5AM for work. I was alone half the time so I just sucked it up. He has started putting our son to bed at night by himself and getting up in the night when our son wakes up.

I asked him last night why he has the ability to plan and go on trips with his buddies and friends but not his wife. He shrugged and said it's what he's done since he's 12 years old. We'll, we've been together a DECADE. I told him if he hasn't figured out how to take his wife on a date he's hopeless if he's stuck in the loop of doing what he's done since he's 12.

I fantasize all the time about leaving him, taking half the equity in the home and buying a condo and doing things I want to do. Like selling my minivan and buying a small little car, like a new Toyota Prius or Corolla. I dream about getting my c-section diastasis recti fixed surgically and having a flat stomach and not being afraid to look at myself in the mirror. I dream about having two weeks alone and not needing to do pick up/drop offs and handle all the administrative duties in my home. I manage the bills, pay for our son's school tuition, order the groceries, clean the house every week by myself (all the mopping, vacuuming, dusting, etc). I do all the cooking and the majority of the cleanup because my husband won't do simple things like wipe the stove off. My husband will occasionally make our son's lunch and breakfast in the morning before he leaves for work. If I need help, I have to ask and tell him specifically what to do. It's like having a teenager for a husband.

Why can't I do this? Because my husband has gotten us into 20K worth of debt. He worked out of state and was gone for 3-4 months at a time. I had to rely on credit cards to buy food and basic necessities. When he came home, he was not managing his company funds properly and setting aside money for taxes. We are 15K in debt with the IRS and 10K in credit card debt. We refinanced our house to pay off our car debt, but it just saddled us with more debt. Our mortgage has gone from a $2400 to a $3000 payment. Right now my husband leaves the house at 6:30/6:45 and gets home around 3PM. Our son is in school from 9-1PM. I am trying to find a nanny but struggling to find someone who's willing to come over for 3 hours.

I haven't divorced him because the cost would come at my child's unhappiness. I would lose half the residential time with my son in his life and childhood. I would have to sell the home my son is so used to. I don't want to shuttle him back and forth for the next 14 years.

I constantly look at condo listings on Zillow for rent or sale and fantasize about having my own life doing the things I want to do, where I am free of the household debt and I have some time to myself and can pay for the things I want and have some time to breathe. I am tired of owning a home, because my husband always finds 3-4 hours of yardwork every Saturday to mow the lawn, blow pine needles off the roof, do the weed whacking or whatever needs to be done and mess around in the garage organizing things.

Our child was not planned. We had been in marriage counseling at the time (because I never felt like a priority, lol) and our marriage had improved. I went off birth control for one month and BAM - pregnant. I had been considering divorce prior to, because my husband would go and hang out with his uncle or brother after work multiple times per week instead of coming home and spending time with me.

Why would he want to be with a frumpy, depressed wife? I don't blame him for going on these fishing trips. He doesn't love me. After I told all of the above last night, he just said "i'm a bad husband and a bad father" feels sorry for himself then STRIPS DOWN naked and comes at me in bed. He sees his responsibility to me as being a financial provider. He's not, we are equal income. I think he earns maybe $400/month more than I do. [/quote]

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