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[quote=Anonymous]OP here again.

My daughter is settled in now and in much better shape pain-wise. She is not fully conscious, but she is free of the torment that had been plaguing her. I am, again, sitting next to her bed; but this time she is relaxed, her breaths deep and even. Her face so slack it reminds me of the baby she once was. I doubt she will be crying out for me, but still, I stroke her bangs back and squeeze her hand. I need her to know that I am still with her.

May I share with you a shift that has taken place within me since I first posted here in agony early Friday morning?

At that time I appeared (outwardly) to be functioning, but inside I was curled up in agony. I am ashamed to admit that pain and grief drove me inward and I was unable to see anything beyond my own and my daughter’s suffering. It felt like the world should revolve around that.

I know! It sounds so self-centered, but that is where I was.

Then I tossed that bottle into the ocean and received an unexpected tidal wave of support and encouragement. From complete strangers -- one even not in this country!

And to think that at first I was afraid to even check back on the thread due to a fear of being flamed.

Anyway, after reading the responses, I started to view life differently. Random encounters with passing strangers that normally wouldn’t even ping my radar became mysteries to me... was that cashier I just interacted with one of the people who posted so kindly on this thread? Was that waitress careless and inattentive because she, too, is struggling with something larger than whether or not I get a timely coffee refill?

This is not rocket science, but I am sorry to admit that up until now I never really gave much thought to what motivates other peoples’ behavior, good OR bad. Maybe that ticket-taker who I will meet only this one time in my life is secretly the person who took the time to write that kick-ass post that really sustained me at just the moment I needed it. Maybe that clerk who barely acknowledged me is barely keeping it together until her shift is over and she can rush back to her child’s bedside.

You just never know. I wish I could feel like there is a way I can adequately thank everyone who has posted such kind, encouraging messages to me. You all have truly shifted my paradigm and something good is going to come out of this. I don’t know what. And I know I have a whole lot of hurt ahead of me. But you have empowered me to survive it.[/quote]

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