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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was friends with someone who did part-time work at one of the competitive (but not big three) schools in MoCo. She ended up leaving because she said the kids were so stressed out and fearful of anything short of perfection. She was a high achiever herself and from a highly competitive public school in the Northeast. She thought it was not the DMV but more the times. [/quote]

It’s definitely the times. I live elsewhere and am involved in independent school leadership. We hear parents during  admissions season say they want a supportive community, a low-pressure school focused on individuals, not achievement, and a place where their child is valued for who they are. And these parents genuinely want this- it’s not fake. But once their child is in school the script flips and they want to know why we aren’t testing, why exmissions weren’t “better”, comparisons to other area schools, and explanations for why their 2nd grader is doing pre-calc.

[b]It is ALL fear and insecurity and it comes from parents who don’t actually know their own values and what they hold important. They are scared to be in touch with or even discuss what they’re trying to get out of in life, and they fall back on the safety of external validation and “achievement” once their children are old enough to be compared to others or have to compete for resources.[/b]

It’s probably the biggest problem facing schools, parents, and kids.[b] And I have no idea how it can get fixed because so few people dare to walk away from the game- and those that do are often so privileged that they are actually the ones running the game and making the rules.[/b][/quote]

I think you ended up inadvertently nailing the point here --[/quote]

My response cut off for some reason:

I think you ended up inadvertently nailing the point here -- the people who don't "buy into the rat race," who proclaim that they "truly don't care where their kids go to college," and are intent on bringing anti-stress initiatives to high schools in UMC areas are mostly ultra-wealthy 1%ers whose kids are set up for success regardless of where they go to school (or even if they have a college degree). They'll probably end up inheriting millions or working for the family business.

I was raised by poor immigrant parents in SF's Chinatown. My parents absolutely emphasized academic success and majoring in an employable field, and I've risen far from my free-and-reduced lunch background to work at a unicorn tech company. DH comes from a similar background, and between the two of us, we have a NW of ~$3 million in our late 30s.

I disagree with your point that parental pushing and an emphasis on academic excellence stems from "fear and insecurity and it comes from parents who don’t actually know their own values and what they hold important." As second-gen Asian Americans, DH and I plan on continuing the family legacy of upward SES mobility, academic excellence, a strong work ethic, and pushing our kids in both school work and extracurricular activities. We want our kids to master and thrive in activities outside of their comfort zone -- grit has been proven to be the most important factor in success!

Many of the wealthy white parents in the Bay Area (who often populate nonsensical "stress reduction" efforts such as Challenge Success) proclaim similar things that you are; that tiger parents are "scared to be in touch with or even discuss what they’re trying to get out of in life, and they fall back on the safety of external validation..."

But this definitely isn't the case in this day and age. The external markers of adulthood -- buying a house in a good pyramid, saving for your kids' college while also paying for daycare, medical expenses, and retirement, have all gotten incredibly expensive. Income inequality is at an all-time high.

To survive in this world, kids need to be at the top of their game economically. And that means that they have to CRUSH IT in their schoolwork and ECs in high school, get accepted into a reputable college (not necessarily an elite one, but at the very least a solid school like VA Tech), and major in CS or Finance or do pre-med.

After college graduation, young adults these days MUST go into tech or finance or into med school (with hopes of matching into a lucrative speciality, not something like pediatrics) if they want to be UMC (not rich, just comfortable) in this day and age.

PP, I heavily disagree with what you're saying. IME, tiger parents know EXACTLY what they value and hold important. We're very much in touch with what it takes to survive in this world. And it's mostly a heap of unpleasant striving and grinding. The earlier kids get used to that, the more competitive they'll be as an adult. [/quote]

OMG, you sound like a lunatic. Sorry, but if that’s the vibe your kids are exuding… [/quote]

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