Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in DCUM is an exception to the rule and that their kid is an academic star !!!

I posted above that I have 1 academic superstar and another who isn’t. He is a smart kid but a total slacker. He would not keep up with the academic superstars.

Our public school is massive and competitive for everything whether it is to get on a sports team or academic competitions. This kid tried science Olympiad and it was obvious he was not interested. He also did not get an A in math. He is probably the only Asian kid who didn’t get an A in math.

Basically the first kid is an academic superstar and the second is a smart kid. In other words, everyone in DCUM has smart kids. That proves my point.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was friends with someone who did part-time work at one of the competitive (but not big three) schools in MoCo. She ended up leaving because she said the kids were so stressed out and fearful of anything short of perfection. She was a high achiever herself and from a highly competitive public school in the Northeast. She thought it was not the DMV but more the times.

It’s definitely the times. I live elsewhere and am involved in independent school leadership. We hear parents during admissions season say they want a supportive community, a low-pressure school focused on individuals, not achievement, and a place where their child is valued for who they are. And these parents genuinely want this- it’s not fake. But once their child is in school the script flips and they want to know why we aren’t testing, why exmissions weren’t “better”, comparisons to other area schools, and explanations for why their 2nd grader is doing pre-calc.

It is ALL fear and insecurity and it comes from parents who don’t actually know their own values and what they hold important. They are scared to be in touch with or even discuss what they’re trying to get out of in life, and they fall back on the safety of external validation and “achievement” once their children are old enough to be compared to others or have to compete for resources.

It’s probably the biggest problem facing schools, parents, and kids. And I have no idea how it can get fixed because so few people dare to walk away from the game- and those that do are often so privileged that they are actually the ones running the game and making the rules.

I think you ended up inadvertently nailing the point here --

My response cut off for some reason:

I think you ended up inadvertently nailing the point here -- the people who don't "buy into the rat race," who proclaim that they "truly don't care where their kids go to college," and are intent on bringing anti-stress initiatives to high schools in UMC areas are mostly ultra-wealthy 1%ers whose kids are set up for success regardless of where they go to school (or even if they have a college degree). They'll probably end up inheriting millions or working for the family business.

I was raised by poor immigrant parents in SF's Chinatown. My parents absolutely emphasized academic success and majoring in an employable field, and I've risen far from my free-and-reduced lunch background to work at a unicorn tech company. DH comes from a similar background, and between the two of us, we have a NW of ~$3 million in our late 30s.

I disagree with your point that parental pushing and an emphasis on academic excellence stems from "fear and insecurity and it comes from parents who don’t actually know their own values and what they hold important." As second-gen Asian Americans, DH and I plan on continuing the family legacy of upward SES mobility, academic excellence, a strong work ethic, and pushing our kids in both school work and extracurricular activities. We want our kids to master and thrive in activities outside of their comfort zone -- grit has been proven to be the most important factor in success!

Many of the wealthy white parents in the Bay Area (who often populate nonsensical "stress reduction" efforts such as Challenge Success) proclaim similar things that you are; that tiger parents are "scared to be in touch with or even discuss what they’re trying to get out of in life, and they fall back on the safety of external validation..."

But this definitely isn't the case in this day and age. The external markers of adulthood -- buying a house in a good pyramid, saving for your kids' college while also paying for daycare, medical expenses, and retirement, have all gotten incredibly expensive. Income inequality is at an all-time high.

To survive in this world, kids need to be at the top of their game economically. And that means that they have to CRUSH IT in their schoolwork and ECs in high school, get accepted into a reputable college (not necessarily an elite one, but at the very least a solid school like VA Tech), and major in CS or Finance or do pre-med.

After college graduation, young adults these days MUST go into tech or finance or into med school (with hopes of matching into a lucrative speciality, not something like pediatrics) if they want to be UMC (not rich, just comfortable) in this day and age.

PP, I heavily disagree with what you're saying. IME, tiger parents know EXACTLY what they value and hold important. We're very much in touch with what it takes to survive in this world. And it's mostly a heap of unpleasant striving and grinding. The earlier kids get used to that, the more competitive they'll be as an adult.

OMG, you sound like a lunatic. Sorry, but if that’s the vibe your kids are exuding…

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was friends with someone who did part-time work at one of the competitive (but not big three) schools in MoCo. She ended up leaving because she said the kids were so stressed out and fearful of anything short of perfection. She was a high achiever herself and from a highly competitive public school in the Northeast. She thought it was not the DMV but more the times.

It’s definitely the times. I live elsewhere and am involved in independent school leadership. We hear parents during admissions season say they want a supportive community, a low-pressure school focused on individuals, not achievement, and a place where their child is valued for who they are. And these parents genuinely want this- it’s not fake. But once their child is in school the script flips and they want to know why we aren’t testing, why exmissions weren’t “better”, comparisons to other area schools, and explanations for why their 2nd grader is doing pre-calc.

It is ALL fear and insecurity and it comes from parents who don’t actually know their own values and what they hold important. They are scared to be in touch with or even discuss what they’re trying to get out of in life, and they fall back on the safety of external validation and “achievement” once their children are old enough to be compared to others or have to compete for resources.

It’s probably the biggest problem facing schools, parents, and kids. And I have no idea how it can get fixed because so few people dare to walk away from the game- and those that do are often so privileged that they are actually the ones running the game and making the rules.

I think you ended up inadvertently nailing the point here --

My response cut off for some reason:

I think you ended up inadvertently nailing the point here -- the people who don't "buy into the rat race," who proclaim that they "truly don't care where their kids go to college," and are intent on bringing anti-stress initiatives to high schools in UMC areas are mostly ultra-wealthy 1%ers whose kids are set up for success regardless of where they go to school (or even if they have a college degree). They'll probably end up inheriting millions or working for the family business.

I was raised by poor immigrant parents in SF's Chinatown. My parents absolutely emphasized academic success and majoring in an employable field, and I've risen far from my free-and-reduced lunch background to work at a unicorn tech company. DH comes from a similar background, and between the two of us, we have a NW of ~$3 million in our late 30s.

I disagree with your point that parental pushing and an emphasis on academic excellence stems from "fear and insecurity and it comes from parents who don’t actually know their own values and what they hold important." As second-gen Asian Americans, DH and I plan on continuing the family legacy of upward SES mobility, academic excellence, a strong work ethic, and pushing our kids in both school work and extracurricular activities. We want our kids to master and thrive in activities outside of their comfort zone -- grit has been proven to be the most important factor in success!

Many of the wealthy white parents in the Bay Area (who often populate nonsensical "stress reduction" efforts such as Challenge Success) proclaim similar things that you are; that tiger parents are "scared to be in touch with or even discuss what they’re trying to get out of in life, and they fall back on the safety of external validation..."

But this definitely isn't the case in this day and age. The external markers of adulthood -- buying a house in a good pyramid, saving for your kids' college while also paying for daycare, medical expenses, and retirement, have all gotten incredibly expensive. Income inequality is at an all-time high.

To survive in this world, kids need to be at the top of their game economically. And that means that they have to CRUSH IT in their schoolwork and ECs in high school, get accepted into a reputable college (not necessarily an elite one, but at the very least a solid school like VA Tech), and major in CS or Finance or do pre-med.

After college graduation, young adults these days MUST go into tech or finance or into med school (with hopes of matching into a lucrative speciality, not something like pediatrics) if they want to be UMC (not rich, just comfortable) in this day and age.

PP, I heavily disagree with what you're saying. IME, tiger parents know EXACTLY what they value and hold important. We're very much in touch with what it takes to survive in this world. And it's mostly a heap of unpleasant striving and grinding. The earlier kids get used to that, the more competitive they'll be as an adult.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in DCUM is an exception to the rule and that their kid is an academic star !!!

I posted above that I have 1 academic superstar and another who isn’t. He is a smart kid but a total slacker. He would not keep up with the academic superstars.

Our public school is massive and competitive for everything whether it is to get on a sports team or academic competitions. This kid tried science Olympiad and it was obvious he was not interested. He also did not get an A in math. He is probably the only Asian kid who didn’t get an A in math.

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in DCUM is an exception to the rule and that their kid is an academic star !!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel the most sorry for the child of recent immigrants (who often are) from a country where a national exam score determines which college one can attend. So many of those kids are under so much pressure at home to bring in only As and nothing B or below. Those immigrant parents sometimes do not understand that “Mary” whose parent and grandparent went to X and have been giving big bucks to X for multiple generations and has a mix of As and Bs has a huge advantage with X at admissions time. Some kids can thrive under pressure, but many do not thrive.

Do you think people who are immigrants are stupid? Obviously we know that Mary whose parents are wealthy and have been donated to college X for generations has a big advantage. Why do you think they think they have to work so hard?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is at a magnet school in Moco and I'm not seeing this at all, at least not as a widespread phenomenon. The college admissions rat race can be awful, but a lot of it depends on how the parents support their kids and manage expectations. Is my kid grinding through and sleep deprived at times? Yes, but not all the time thankfully. Most importantly, DC feels satisfied and fulfilled by engaging with a curriculum that is appropriately challenging. DC sets their pace, not me, and we don't force any ECs they don't enjoy. So, even with very high stats and rigor, they probably won't get into HYPMS, but their college readiness will be outstanding and I feel confident they will do very well wherever they land. Most of the parents I know have the same attitude. There are a few extreme "Harvard, MIT or bust" parents who make their kids' lives miserable but that is the exception not the rule ime. Of course, mental health issues have intensified since the pandemic. I could see the combo of high-pressure schools, high-pressure parents, and that creating a toxic stew but, again, I haven't seen much of that in my kid's circles.

You seem pretty clueless if you think magnet kids are not pressured or just happy to be stimulated. That is what they want you to see. Your kid is probably the one popping Adderall. Usually $5-10 a pill. Helps you study. RM students sell them like candy.

RM is really bad. The curriculum is not stimulating or interesting. It's just stressful.

According to you or to your kid?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is at a magnet school in Moco and I'm not seeing this at all, at least not as a widespread phenomenon. The college admissions rat race can be awful, but a lot of it depends on how the parents support their kids and manage expectations. Is my kid grinding through and sleep deprived at times? Yes, but not all the time thankfully. Most importantly, DC feels satisfied and fulfilled by engaging with a curriculum that is appropriately challenging. DC sets their pace, not me, and we don't force any ECs they don't enjoy. So, even with very high stats and rigor, they probably won't get into HYPMS, but their college readiness will be outstanding and I feel confident they will do very well wherever they land. Most of the parents I know have the same attitude. There are a few extreme "Harvard, MIT or bust" parents who make their kids' lives miserable but that is the exception not the rule ime. Of course, mental health issues have intensified since the pandemic. I could see the combo of high-pressure schools, high-pressure parents, and that creating a toxic stew but, again, I haven't seen much of that in my kid's circles.

You seem pretty clueless if you think magnet kids are not pressured or just happy to be stimulated. That is what they want you to see. Your kid is probably the one popping Adderall. Usually $5-10 a pill. Helps you study. RM students sell them like candy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is at a magnet school in Moco and I'm not seeing this at all, at least not as a widespread phenomenon. The college admissions rat race can be awful, but a lot of it depends on how the parents support their kids and manage expectations. Is my kid grinding through and sleep deprived at times? Yes, but not all the time thankfully. Most importantly, DC feels satisfied and fulfilled by engaging with a curriculum that is appropriately challenging. DC sets their pace, not me, and we don't force any ECs they don't enjoy. So, even with very high stats and rigor, they probably won't get into HYPMS, but their college readiness will be outstanding and I feel confident they will do very well wherever they land. Most of the parents I know have the same attitude. There are a few extreme "Harvard, MIT or bust" parents who make their kids' lives miserable but that is the exception not the rule ime. Of course, mental health issues have intensified since the pandemic. I could see the combo of high-pressure schools, high-pressure parents, and that creating a toxic stew but, again, I haven't seen much of that in my kid's circles.

You seem pretty clueless if you think magnet kids are not pressured or just happy to be stimulated. That is what they want you to see. Your kid is probably the one popping Adderall. Usually $5-10 a pill. Helps you study. RM students sell them like candy.

RM is really bad. The curriculum is not stimulating or interesting. It's just stressful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is at a magnet school in Moco and I'm not seeing this at all, at least not as a widespread phenomenon. The college admissions rat race can be awful, but a lot of it depends on how the parents support their kids and manage expectations. Is my kid grinding through and sleep deprived at times? Yes, but not all the time thankfully. Most importantly, DC feels satisfied and fulfilled by engaging with a curriculum that is appropriately challenging. DC sets their pace, not me, and we don't force any ECs they don't enjoy. So, even with very high stats and rigor, they probably won't get into HYPMS, but their college readiness will be outstanding and I feel confident they will do very well wherever they land. Most of the parents I know have the same attitude. There are a few extreme "Harvard, MIT or bust" parents who make their kids' lives miserable but that is the exception not the rule ime. Of course, mental health issues have intensified since the pandemic. I could see the combo of high-pressure schools, high-pressure parents, and that creating a toxic stew but, again, I haven't seen much of that in my kid's circles.

You seem pretty clueless if you think magnet kids are not pressured or just happy to be stimulated. That is what they want you to see. Your kid is probably the one popping Adderall. Usually $5-10 a pill. Helps you study. RM students sell them like candy.

RM is really bad. The curriculum is not stimulating or interesting. It's just stressful.