Reply to Moms can totally control their kids social scenes

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Moms have a huge impact on tweens because they hold the strings - money, Comms, transportation.  Some are good about not influencing tweens but a lot are equally involved.  I know both types but OPs absolutely correct that if you meet the wrong one, totally 100%, do not fool yourself that the kid your kid is with has any say in that relationship.  I've def seen it happen.  Even borderline relationships where neighborhood girls who were great together who went to to separate schools for MS, if us moms stayed better friends I guarantee our girls would be closer than they are now.  And even my kid wants to do more with the other as sometimes she misses her, and encouragement from the other mom prob would allow the reconnection but the other mom has moved in from me.  I'm pretty sure the other girl given a couple connections to who my girl knows feels same way but we never hear from her directly.  I stay out if it and ultimately my kid needs to figure out what she wants but just saying def moms at age 11-12 can strongly influence kids' relationships.  They are the adults and ultimately make all the decisions as they see fit.  It depends on what kind of person they are so your kid choosing their friends isn't really true :([/quote]

THIS!!!   Look, it's easy for moms to control the scene.  VERY EASY.  DD wants to go to Starbucks with Y but I don't like Y as a kid, it's super easy to say no to this.   DD wants to do camp with X but I don't like X or her mom, i act wishy washy when they approach me about camp plans.  DD wants Z to come over for dinner/sleepover but I dont like Z--- guess what the answer is going to be???????? You got it.   This happens all the time and with enough NOs from either direction, the kids stop trying to hang with one another.  BOOM--mom success in controlling her kids social life!!!!!!!!!!!   When there is seemingly no reason for this distance, especially if kids were very close at one point and MOM allowed this stuff,  then it can be cruel and mom becomes the meanest girl in MS.

Not sure why everyone is so defensive about this. [/quote]

I really don’t think it is as calculated as you think.

My tween/teens are boys but I also have an elementary daughter. My boys were included and not included over the years. Some years I was the one trying to sign friends up together and wishy washy in other years. It is less about the person and truly about our schedule.

This one mom that I really like tried to get our girls to do the same dance and tennis last year. I would have but it conflicted with my boys’ sports. This year, we tried to sign up together again but I asked her and her daughter was no longer interested in the dance class. I have had moms ask me to join soccer and I never signed up. I don’t think I was specifically asked but we didn’t join and we missed out on a clique. One mom once switched to a different time. I thought it was rude at the time but I don’t care.

If anything, only the very top favorite of mom or friend gets the priority. I remember right before Covid, DS’s friend wanted to sign up for camps together. I told them we were trying to figure out our summer plans first. I know they felt blown off. Others have asked us to sign up for overnight camps together. We just weren’t interested even if I like parents and kids.[/quote]

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