Reply to Husband wants to move out of DMV but my job is here

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Reply to "Husband wants to move out of DMV but my job is here"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  We've discussed the remote cabin option but it's still really, really not what he wants.  He gets that it may be the compromise we end up with, but he's clear that what he truly wants is a move so that his every day life is out of the city.  Paying and maintaining a second house around here doesn't sound very appealing, especially as our kid enters the phase of local activities and birthday parties on weekends. He's not trying to be difficult, but his honest opinion (and I agree) is that a second home near here will not scratch this itch and may be more stressful than helpful.

If we stay in DC, we'll use all vacations and the summer month to go to his ideal locations (and they're my ideal vacation spots too)...but it'll still feel like a pretty big loss to him.

Basically, if we stay here, he loses the opportunity to put down roots and live life in an area that he loves....and if we move, I lose the opportunity to have a career I love.  Ugh.[/quote]

I think at some point he has to accept that this is the life you chose together and make the most of it. I'm sorry, but it's immature to ask your spouse to just pick up and move to the country after they've built a career and you have a great mortgage/cost of living that will be hard to replicate elsewhere.

I also don't think this would even be a discussion if the genders were reversed.

We went through something similar over the last few years. My husband simply HAD to get out of NoVa because he hates it so much (but of course we are living here because of his job!). He found something he could do for a couple of years in his preferred location. The plan was that the kids and I would follow with an eye towards a permanent move. Well, my work situation fell through. And the kids (who have moved a good bit) were dead set against it. He put a lot of pressure on me to still move and "find something" even though I bring in almost half our income. It was like he couldn't really acknowledge that we literally can't pay the bills if I don't work.  I finally realized that his request was unreasonable and I didn't have to go along. He moved back this summer.

I'd suggest you consider what's really being asked of you here and why. And act accordingly.[/quote]

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