Reply to Desperate plea for help with my 4 year old DD

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Reply to "Desperate plea for help with my 4 year old DD"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I only just saw this post and reading through it, I agree with so much of what some posters have suggested.

I see you already listed "Explosive Child" as one book you had read, applied, but didn't see much change?    But I still think it sounds lie your daughter may be lacking in some executive function skills, especially the ability to switch gears (when she expects to be able to push the elevator button, or has her mind set on having waffles for breakfast, only all the waffles are gone) and to regulate her temper as a result.

The idea that she can behave appropriately when she is in school but not at home doesn't necessarily mean that the problem is with you and how you approach her.   A child can have a great deal of difficulty switching gears at preschool, too, but holds it all in until she gets home, and then EXPLODES onto you, her safe haven.  She's used up all her coping mechanisms at school, and has absolutely nothing left for when she is home.   This reaction will be worse, the worse the environment is for her at school ( if it is easier for her to cope there, she'll explode less at home).

If the above is indeed what is going on with your child, I know it is hard, but please try to see it as one bright spot and hope for the future.   If your child is having trouble coping (switching gears, managing temper) at school but IS managing to hold it all in while there -- then as she gets older hopefully things will improve.  Meanwhile you can be working with her to learn how to switch gears, etc.

SOmeone earlier posted that everything you listed sounded like exactly what her 2 year old was going through and I think that might be about right -- your child might be delayed in certain executive functions and might be operating on the level of a 2.5 year old.  If so, then you might be able to use the General Parenting suggestions for how to deal with a 2.5 year old instead of trying to treat her (right now) like a preschooler.

I agree with other people's suggestions too, to look into sleep a LOT.  DO whatever you can to improve her sleep.

It is definitely true for my own child that eating artificial dyes, preservatives, and flavorings make him more prone to reacting explosively, and make it much harder for him to switch gears.   Eliminating EVERY piece of artificial anything from the diet has improved his ability to cope tremendously.

I don't think regular parenting classes or family therapy will be of much use to you, personally, but probably can't hurt except that you probably don't have the time or energy right now to spend on things that won't have immediate feedback.

Getting her outside a lot might be useful.

Parenting your difficult child class might be very useful.

GOod LUCK![/quote]

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