Reply to GS-14 Enough?

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[quote=Anonymous]I just saw that you are in Big Law OP. I posted at 10:56, but here is some unsolicited food for thought.

When I met my now husband I was on track to make partner at a large IT consulting firm in our non-federal business. I worked a lot so most of my socialization was with work people and our clients and I was surrounded by a level of wealth just seemed completely normal to me. News flash - it’s not normal for most people. It IS fun and aspirational if you didn’t grow up that way. It also sucks you in to a world where you assume you need to make $$$ because you have to pay for that lifestyle and that anything short of that lifestyle is living in a trailer and shopping at Walmart.

If you marry a GS 14 Fed you will meet his friends and coworkers who are not Big Law. They will be normal people who live in places like Vienna and Silver Spring. Your kids may go to public school. You will still go on nice vacations, just maybe not as many. You may even find you like his friends and coworkers and their lives aren’t so bad! Many of them have lives that are pretty great even!

If you intend to stay Big Law, the one thing you should consider is whether the GS 14 can hold his own at dinner parties and charity events - and is willing to schmooze to support you. I am married to a Fed, but he works on mission focused programs people have heard about (not IT, Finance or HR) and he is personable and well read. He’s actually way more interesting than me and my colleagues enjoy talking to him. He doesn’t want to play the game, but he supports me and plays along when I need him too.

If you cut him loose to save him from your incompatibility, it’s not a $ amount. It’s because of the comment you make about “his full potential”. Not everyone believes that their salary and/or job title is the best representation of their potential. If you feel like his lack of financial and professional ambition reflects poorly on you, it will not work out. However, you may find that his “full potential” is in being a great dad and a supportive spouse.

His beliefs may even rub off on you and unconsciously you may be afraid of that. Not just that he won’t “contribute to your lifestyle” but that you may change your lifestyle. Did you say you were 32? I was 33.5 when I got married and my whole life up to that point had been an exercise in checking boxes and chasing what I thought would fulfill me. Highest grades! Best university! Most prestigious consulting firm! I can report from the other side that you are more than your big law job and a list of accomplishments. If he makes you happy and he is the right person for you, you may find you can step off the path you have been imagining onto a different path without losing yourself in the process. [/quote]

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