Reply to impact of Alcoholics Anonymous on marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I understand your feelings. It sounds like your husband may now be addicted to AA and is putting his emotional energy there to the detriment of other areas of life. On the one hand, it's wonderful that he's getting help and taking it seriously.

On the other hand, however, it sounds like your relationship has not recovered in the wake of his sobriety. He is still not present in your life. Have you discussed his progress with him? It sounds like in his searching and fearless moral inventory, he needs to be considering the effects of his addiction and recovery on his family life.

In my personal opinion, in the morning and the evening is too much. He needs to be present for his family during the times when his family needs him. If you are worn out as a result of his morning absences, that is a problem. If your kids are upset about his absences in the evening, that is also a problem.[/quote]

This is also how I read OP's post, so HER going to meetings is not going to help the connection between her and DH or DH and the kids or lack of time together as a couple or familhy. And it sounds like DH is not aware of the issue or is comfortable with being on the periphery of the family. That is what seemingly needs to shift. There are Zoom meetings in different time zones, it seems like there can be a balance struck.

OP are you even comfortable raising this or does it feel like you are walking on eggshells? It's understandable that you expect time and emotional connection from your DH as do the kids from their father. His sobriety and any related work ideally should be enabling him to be a good father and husband. Maybe some individual work on his part with a therapist who focuses on addiction and attachment issues could facilitate that with the goal of being more present for the family/spouse?

I have known people who really benefit from 12 step groups but for some it can be kind of culty, I'm not surprised by the PP who said a sponsor suggested a retreat with a 1 week old, yikes.

Wishing you and your family the best, OP. Strengthening those bonds and the marital rx that underlies it all have to be prioritized too and that takes time and balancing. If DH is avoidant out of shame or some other issue that may benefit from individual therapy. [/quote]

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