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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
This. Key point-- ONE kid. And only one stepkid. That's why they didn't get maxed-out and miserable. If OP's girlfriend says [b]"I want my kids to be #3 and #4, and have less of their father's attention than they would if they were #1 and #2, and I want him to pay child support for many years to come, and I want to plan all our vacations around the big kids' school schedules, and I want to parent little kids by myself a lot of the time while their dad takes his older kids to activities, and I want my husband to be in frequent contact with his ex-wife"[/b]-- if she says all those things then totally go for it! Enjoy your sleepless infants and your toddler parenting-- it's much harder in your 40s.[/quote]
That's not how it would actually work out, though. New wife's kids would get the better deal all-around. The dad has more money because he's more established in his work, is a more attentive father because he has a better understanding of work-life balance than when he was younger and trying to be successful, and is also probably a better partner to Wife #2 now that he knows what works (and what doesn't) from Marriage #1.

The younger kids and new-to-parenting Wife #2 will get the lion's share of his attention. He won't even be aware of this because he's actually is in love with Wife #2, while Wife #1 is now just some woman that he used to be married to. Still loves his kids from Marriage #1, but they are older, more independent and they have their mother, don't they? And his child support checks? He can't be in two places at once, and he lives with his Second Family.

You know all of this is true, which is why you're in this thread trying to advocate on behalf of the kids from Marriage #1. The only way a blended family works is if Wife #2 really wants to embrace the kids from Marriage #1. If it's tense and awkward with Wife #1, that probably will never happen and thus, the older kids won't feel part of Dad's new life and will drift away. [/quote]

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