Reply to DS22's girlfriend is over ALL. THE. TIME.

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I'll offer an alternative to what seems to being presented here which is 1) avert your eyes and suck it up or 2) lay down the law as you seem (understandably) resistant to both options.

The success of this depends on many factors, including the degree to which he is high functioning. First I'll add some nuance to option 2 and then present a strategy that is similar but a different framing.

1) Describe the current situation, sticking to the facts only. "You and Larla have been spending a lot of time together-- she has been here most of the day, nearly every day for the last 3 months"
2) Express your feelings about the situation. "This makes me uncomfortable because I am unable to relax/unable to hang in my PJS/feel distracted/etc."
3) Assert what you want and do not assume he will know what you want or can read your mind "Larla is welcome here no more than 4 days a week for 6 hours at a time."
4) Reinforce ahead of time by telling him what will happen if you get your wishes "I will stop nagging you about taking her home because I will be assured that I will have enough time to relax".

Now, with the Assert step, you could alternatively consider inviting a conversation about boundaries. "I'm finding myself cranky about Larla being here all the time as I'm unable to fully relax, feel there is a lack of privacy, etc. I'm not okay with things continuing as they are. How do you suggest we move forward? And then negotiate.

Good luck! It is tricky to balance your non-NT kid finding companionship and at the same time, you shouldn't have to so deeply compromise your happiness and values for your adult kid. [/quote]

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