Reply to Worried for my friend—could this be grooming?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Wow, a totally normal interaction with an elderly neighbor who was probably bored out of his gourd until this kind woman and her kids showed up is now "grooming"? [b]Come on, 99.9% of people are NOT sexual predators.[/b] Stop living your life in fear, you'll be much happier.[/quote]

Your head is buried so deep it must be halfway to China.[/quote]

No you’ve been brainwashed by media hype.  Pp is right, less than 5% of adults are child abusers and sadly 40% or abusers are other adolescents.   Not worth it to live your life in fear.  Teach your kids to be firm about body boundaries but not to live in fear of everyone. [/quote]

I am hardly brainwashed by media, poster. I am a former prosecutor of sex crimes against both adults and children. I’ve had thousands of hours of training and experience in the field. It is insanity to allege that only .1% of people are sexual predators given the prevalence of victims of sexual predation - child and adult victims alike. A very tiny fraction of the cases that occur are ever reported and an even tinier fraction ever get charged and see the inside of a courtroom, but sexual abuse of children and adults is EPIDEMIC in this society. Anyone asserting otherwise is naive in the extreme - or maybe doth protest too much.[/quote]

+1. Police also believe everyone is a criminal because everyone they meet is a criminal. /s[/quote]

I’m not like that, actually. I come from a place of nonjudgmental compassion and have a lot of sympathy for abusers because most of them were abused themselves. I don’t excuse them whatsoever, but unlike a lot of people in the criminal justice system especially on the side of the state, I do not automatically see scum and guilty people everywhere I look. I have the capacity to see all the shades of grey and believe me, it is painful - I would almost rather be willfully ignorant because such folks seem much more self assured in life.

I grew up in dysfunction and was molested repeatedly in my youth - by a neighbor dad who used to like putting his fingers inside my swimsuit and inside my vagina whenever I was in his swimming pool with all the other neighbor kids. Some predators really get off on the ability to molest kids in the presence of lots of other kids and/or their own parents. There was also the stranger who molested me on the school playground where I was playing wall ball after school - that was a one off - and the adolescent brother of a friend who molested us both at the same time during a visit to her house one summer. Couple those experiences with an abusive father who said the nastiest things about girls and what they were good for and it’s no surprise to me that I ended up losing my virginity via date rape by a guy I later ended up dating (a la Luke & Laura) and a great deal more dysfunction in my intimate relationships and experiences my whole life, really. I take child molestation very seriously because I know it destroys lives. Most of the molesters get off with zero accountability and most of the victims struggle to heal forever.

When I went to work in the system I was shocked by what I learned about the statistics on abuse and how widespread - epidemic - it really is. Given all that has been revealed in recent decades about the longstanding abuse of thousands upon thousands of kids in churches, schools, scout troops, athletics, etc. I can’t really understand the comments here blowing off the OP’s concerns about the potential for harm coming to her friend’s kids. Responding with outrage as though OP is mentally disturbed is beyond the pale - OP displays the healthy concern of a person who has been PAYING ATTENTION. [/quote]

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