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[quote=Anonymous]Whoever wrote this knows what they are talking about. So completely true! Thank you for explaining the experience we have as adults trying to care for aging parents who are resisting while we are drowning, trying to help and manage our own lives too. We definitely have empathy for them but maybe not enough of society is showing empathy for caregivers. We need it to. Many caregivers lives are a living hell trying to manage an aging relatives care while holding down FT work, our own families etc.

quote=Anonymous]

AL is very suitable and OP made it clear her mom is much happier there and wished she moved years ago. I think the issue is not OP having lack of empathy. She wanted her mom to be safe and happy not isolated and miserable. The issue is a lot of our elders bury their head in the sand, and have no empathy for what is to be an adult child with your own kids, illnesses, stressors and see mom miserable and in a bad situation rotting at home. They think hopping to for every emergency is no big deal because they either never it did it for their own parents or they did it with an empty nest and easier life. Once they are at AL it's easier to have enjoyable visits rather than constantly assessing if they can handle their current living situation. The AL will let you know when she needs more support.

People need to age around peers and have peer friends and they need to be doing social activities with those friends. The research strongly supports this. Family are not peers. Yes, we can be PART of their support network, but it not at all healthy for your family to be your only outlet. There is a power differential. Your adult child is never truly a friend because you know the buttons to push and have power. You need to be around peers who force you to keep up the social skills. Plus the more social outlets you have the more you can enjoy family when they visit rather than scare them off with depression, misery, guilt trips, pity parties, power plays, neediness. Social is key. The people I know who live long and happy have many friends and social activities.[/quote][/quote]

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