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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]^ Don't you regret missing all that time with your family?  I dunno, early retirement is great and I'm all a out it but it seems like you paid a heavy price for it.  [/quote]

These days (esp since covid), law firm partnership generally means a LOT of flexibility on when and where you work. You still work a lot of hours, but partners today are with their kids ALOT.  It's not like 2004. [/quote]

Depends on the definition of "with".  Being in the same house is not the same as actually paying attention to them and developing a deep relationship with them.[/quote]

Why are there so many people on DCUM who not only believe this, but NEED to believe this?[/quote]

You’ll need to elaborate.  It’s not clear which group of people you’re taking shots at / feeling superior to.  [/quote]

People who think there’s only one way biglaw works and that it means never seeing your children and letting other people “raise” them. [/quote]

I know lots of people in biglaw (as well as a lot of people who have moved in house or to other high level legal jobs but no longer in biglaw) and I think you are simplifying the argument. Certainly many biglaw attorneys, including partners, see their kids and have good relationships with them. [b]But one of the points on this thread [/b]that is absolutely true is that in most cases, they have a SAHP or a spouse with a very flexible, not demanding job, who can facilitate that. I don't know many families where both parents have highly demanding, time consuming jobs, and of those I know, I do not think they have the kind of quality relationship with their kids that other families do. I'm sorry, but it's true.

It also very much matters how you structure your career over your kids lives. There are ways to stay in biglaw and still be very present at key times, and then dive back into work when your kids need you less. But again, this is best when facilitated by a spouse who can be present the entire time. But this is not possible at every firm, in every specialty, or for every individual attorney. Many of the stereotypes and assumptions about the impact of a biglaw career on family life are accurate. They don't come from nowhere.[/quote]

You keep saying this, but you're the only person on this thread saying it.  No, it's absolutely not a requisite for a sahw to be a successful biglaw partner.  This may have been necessary for your family, or you chose this path because it worked for you.  But it's really, really not the case anymore that you need a sahw or that you need to work a million hours and be absent from your kids.

Are there families with that set up (ie dad works a million hours, and has a sahw and kids he doens't see)?  Sure. And are they likely to be the kind of partner who makes insane money and prestige - the kind that 80% of biglaw partners never achieve? Sure. Yes, being the $5m a year comp partner probably takes living and breathing your job and not seeing your kids and wife, and having a sahw.  But 95% of partners will never achieve that.  So many of them recognize this, never get caught up in the comp/materiality thing, and also learn to draw boundaries.  Not all of those 95%, sure. But in DC, it's solidly 30% of partners who are drawing reasonable lines.

Also, you just don't need that sahw anyone. Again, i think for those families who chose it, maybe you do - either because your DH won't draw boundaries, or because you didn't enjoy working and this is the narrative you're sticking with.  But i look around my team of partners sort of in the height of their careers (40s through early 60s) and i'm a woman with high earning DH, my primary partner's wife is in house counsel, the partner i work next frequently with his a wife who is patent counsel for a global company, the partner i work next with has a wife who has a bonkers intense job at state dept.  The one i work with next after that - his wife is a former OT therapist who doesn't work. And the head of our group has a Sahw (he's 65 - so more old school).  But yeah, going through the list of partners i most frequently work with, and only 2 of 7 have sahws.  Times have changed. [/quote]

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