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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]While it makes sense to treat the BIL as an individual and for the OP to continue therapy to work through her earlier trauma, it makes equally perfect sense that she would feel the way she does about what she's learned--that is, to anyone who knows anything about dysfunctional life cycles and how they are perpetuated. People subconsciously gravitate towards what their brain patterns perceive as familiar and "comfortable," even if what's familiar and "comfortable" is objectively destructive. So for the OP, her sister's choice to marry and procreate with someone who has struggled with the same addiction their mother did epitomizes the old adage "out of the frying pan into the fire." Maybe it's true that the BIL has successfully remained sober for 15 years. But maybe it's not, and it is a fact that from a genetic standpoint, the sister and her husband deliberately chose to bring children into the world who are very much at risk of becoming addicts themselves. As someone who for different reasons spent much of her childhood having to accommodate dysfunction, I would never knowingly choose it for myself, [b]nor would I put myself in a situation where I'd always be wondering when the other shoe would drop, so to speak. [/quote][/b]

I agree but the bolded part is likely also a result of your specific life experiences with dysfunction and the way that has shaped you. Many people are able to be married to a former addict and not feel like they were waiting for the other shoe to drop. This is absolutely a legitimate reason for some individuals to refrain from partnering with even a former addict, but for others it is a non issue, both in terms of reality and perception.

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