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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.

It's incredibly frustrating -- post after post, people point out that addiction is a real, legitimate reason for divorce, don't get involved with an addict, it's only a matter of time, once an addict, always an addict.

But this isn't a problem? I don't get it. Seriously.

I appreciate that I might be coming from an emotional standpoint somewhat and I'm not an expert and appreciate the insights and recommendations. I've gone to Al-anon and the message I received for years was RUN if you come across someone who is an addict. I think the saying was "don't collect broken toys."

I am worried about my sister. I am worried about my nieces and nephew. I'm not a terrible person. I'm care about my family and have gone through a lot.[/quote]

I would 100% divorce if my hsuband was and addict and I would not personally marry an addict even with a long sober period. But I also would be totally comfortable if my sister chose to marry someone 5 years sober. I would not feel like he was going to relapse at any moment. I would hope that my sister was choosing a sober lifestyle as well — just sort of in solidarity with her hsuband. I would hope my sister and her hsuband would educate any kids on their genetic predisposition. But I would happily hang out with the guy.[/quote]

Do you see the inconsistency, PP. I find it telling that everyone agrees that for themselves they would make the same decision as me and I'm right, but me being worried about my sister makes me a terrible person.

People avoid addicts. Even those "sober" ones are trouble, like this PP points out. If you found out your spouse admitted they had a problem with alcohol and were an addict (even if sober), you'd divorce them. So, I'm not wrong here. I find it hypocritical that everyone agrees that addicts are trouble (sober or not) but then bash me.

Make it make sense.[/quote].

Same poster. It isn’t because I think someone sober for a long time is super risky. It is my own trauma that would make me not marry them. You are carrying over your trauma even further in a much more extreme way. I don’t think my position is right in not marrying the person. It is a limitation I know I have.[/quote]

NP - the PP has done their work and has an understanding of their own trauma and the boundaries they need in order to be well etc… OP, you still need to do the work and increase your self awareness around what your trauma means for you and what works/doesn’t work for you in your life. In the meantime you are projecting onto your BIL, sister and their marriage. This will not end well.[/quote]

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