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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.

It's incredibly frustrating -- post after post, people point out that addiction is a real, legitimate reason for divorce, don't get involved with an addict, it's only a matter of time, once an addict, always an addict.

But this isn't a problem? I don't get it. Seriously.

I appreciate that I might be coming from an emotional standpoint somewhat and I'm not an expert and appreciate the insights and recommendations. I've gone to Al-anon and the message I received for years was RUN if you come across someone who is an addict. I think the saying was "don't collect broken toys."

I am worried about my sister. I am worried about my nieces and nephew. I'm not a terrible person. I'm care about my family and have gone through a lot.[/quote]

I would 100% divorce if my hsuband was and addict and I would not personally marry an addict even with a long sober period. But I also would be totally comfortable if my sister chose to marry someone 5 years sober. I would not feel like he was going to relapse at any moment. I would hope that my sister was choosing a sober lifestyle as well — just sort of in solidarity with her hsuband. I would hope my sister and her hsuband would educate any kids on their genetic predisposition. But I would happily hang out with the guy.[/quote]

Do you see the inconsistency, PP. I find it telling that everyone agrees that for themselves they would make the same decision as me and I'm right, but me being worried about my sister makes me a terrible person.

People avoid addicts. Even those "sober" ones are trouble, like this PP points out. If you found out your spouse admitted they had a problem with alcohol and were an addict (even if sober), you'd divorce them. So, I'm not wrong here. I find it hypocritical that everyone agrees that addicts are trouble (sober or not) but then bash me.

Make it make sense.[/quote]

Nothing about that will ever make sense to you because you refuse to consider a recovering addict is different from someone with an active, debilitating addiction. You're basing all your decisions and judgments on your feelings toward your mom, not looking at BIL as an individual or considering the science of addiction.

Furthermore, not everyone agrees that they would make the same decision as you or that you're right. You're cherrypicking the responses or portions of responses that you think are supportive of your biases, and calling that a consensus. In reality, the consensus is that you're operating on emotions rather than facts and you're being over the top with your harshness.

Also, of the people who have weighed in on the side topic, there seems to be a budding consensus that you're going to alienate your sister if you don't get a handle on yourself pretty quickly. The fact that she hid this information from you for a decade shows she knew you'd react poorly. Are you really okay with losing your sister over this?

You seem to have a lot of unresolved feelings about your mother and her addiction. Therapy can help. You really should try it. Sometimes you have to try a few therapists to find someone you work well with, and the results aren't instantaneous. Having a healthy mind can be as much work as having a healthy body. It can get better though. [/quote]

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