Reply to This is the first year in 13 years that I have completely dropped the rope with DH’s family

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Every argument on this board about sex and division of labor can be broken down into two factions: those who believe that, on avg, men and women have the exact same aptitude for emotional intelligence and executive functioning , and those who believe that, on avg, these skill sets differ noticably btwn the sexes.

Personally, I'm in the latter camp. That being said, my in-laws kind of irritate me and I have long since delegated direct communication and logistical planning to my DH. But the fact remains that if I didn't remind and actively encourage my DH to plan visits, it would never happen. Not bc he doesn't love them or want to see them and make sure they have a good relationship with our kids, but bc he just doesn't operate in a world where maintaining relations (outside of our marriage) is a priority. From talking to friends, I don't think he's that much of an outlier.

I think if you don't want to directly communicate with in laws and leave it to dh there can be good reasons for that, but if you take on literally every other aspect of your family's social lives except for in-law maintenance, you owe it to your kids and spouse to provide some reminders to your spouse to get it done [/quote]

You completely missed the point. The arguments aren't about aptitudes but about gendered roles. Specifically, that women should be managing familial relationships.

As a DW and mother of peole with ADHD/Executive Functioning xhallenges, there are a zh!t ton of compensating techiques that can be employed to compensate for weaknesses IF the relationships are deemed important.  EQ/EF are explanations, not excuses. It is unacceptable to delegate based on gender.[/quote]

Agree 1 million %[/quote]

Ok, but if one spouse is handling all  aspects of family social life except the in-law maintenance, then they need to be honest about why that's the one thing they won't touch with a 10 ft pole. I agree with posters who say it's the kids who lose. If you wouldn't let your DH handle the rest of the family social calendar bc it would  impact you and or the kids negatively, this shouldn't be treated any differently. [/quote]

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