Reply to If your significant other is a partner at a big law firm, what time does he/she get home usually?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]Just because your spouse works more conventional hours doesn't mean that they're more helpful or devoted to their family. I am a huge believer in quality time and making the most of the time you have as a family unit. [/b]  My husband leaves for work at 8:30 am and is almost always home by 6:30 pm.  But it's like pulling teeth to get him to engage with the kids - or me.  He says he needs time to unwind after work and spends the first 30 minutes or so at home checking e-mail, drinking a beer, and changing clothes before coming upstairs.  By that time the kids are almost done with dinner and ready for bed.  On the best night he'll read to them before bedtime, but most of the time he gives them a hug and kiss before bed and then goes to watch TV.  On the weekends, he sleeps in, does some housework, and proceeds to start drinking his beer(s) at around 3 - 4 PM.  He complains about having to do anything with the kids - birthday parties, soccer games, swim class.  He's too tired and busy to do those things, he says.   He's not terribly ambitious and barely makes six figures.  I work full time, am the breadwinner (I make more than DH), and still do a majority of the childcare.

All of which is to say, don't slam OP's lifestyle.  There are most certainly trade offs, but I'd take three or four hours of my husband's time a week if he were truly engaged with the kids and me than what we have now where he is physically present but completely checked out.  I feel like my husband is way more of an absentee parent and spouse than most of the women posting about their husbands in big law and their insane schedules.  [/quote]

[b]No, but a spouse who chooses a slower-paced career is often a person who is more focused on family.[/b]
My DH, a teacher, is home by 4PM and fully engages with the kids all the time.  He has no interest in TV or surfing the Internet and spends his time at home cooking, supervising homework, playing music with our son, playing chess with our daughter, and so on.

I am not a believer in "quality time," especially as the kids get older.  When my son gets home from middle school in the afternoon, he wants to talk *right then and there* about what's in his head and heart.  If we are not around, he is not going to revisit those things at 9PM for our convenience.

Life is what happens while you're doing other stuff.[/quote]
Not necessarily, PP.  Which was my point.  It's not the career that's as critical as what the parent does with their time off.  You can have a parent home by 4 PM everyday and still not have an attentive parent.  It would be nice to think that slower paced career = more available engaged parent, but it's not that simple.  [b]And just because you have a few hours with your kids a week, doesn't mean those aren't quality, engaged periods of time where the kids get undivided attention from parents[/b].  It's what you make of those hours every week.  [/quote]

Yes, correct - not necessarily.  But as I said, *often* the spouse who chooses a slower-paced career is more interested in home life.  [u]Often.[/u]

We can agree to disagree about "quality time."  I think children, especially older children, need time, lots and lots of time.  Not quality time.  Quantities of time.

It sounds like your DH would be a sh*tty, inattentive father no matter what kind of job he had, so his poor parenting is irrelevant in that this conversation is about the hours a parent can and does spend with his children.[/quote]

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