Reply to Strategy for having multiple children as an older lower energy FTM

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yeah you really need to investigate why you “want” more children when you’re at 100% capacity now.

I say this as someone who thought they wanted 2,3,4 kids and ended up with one—by choice—after a lot of deep thinking, conversing with my spouse/ a therapist, journaling, etc.

The pressure to have more than one child in this culture is deeply ingrained in sneaky, sneaky ways. Nearly every commercial depicts families as having multiple children. You likely were raised with a sibling—and surrounded by other kids with siblings—as was the norm back in the 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s. Your parents likely had siblings because their mothers didn’t have access to birth control. How many of the shows you watch feature families with more than one child? How many of the books you read? What is the dominant dramatic portrayal of families with only children in TV, books, and movies? There are a lot of reasons why you may think you “want”more kids even though it is not what is best for you. Really analyze the images you see every day, the memories you have, the stories you like… and think about how they might be influencing you.

Also, there are a lot of things we may “want” for a time but decide against because it is not healthy for ourselves or our relationships in life. You can’t buy everything you want at the store without running out of money. You can’t eat junk all the time without hurting your body. You can’t flirt with good looking people whenever you want without that affecting your marriage. We don’t pursue everything we want in a given moment because we have that rational part of our brain that says “no.” Your brain is in a hormonal bath right now and you have to account for the fact that you are, as a being, biologically driven to have more children. That does not mean you should do it. Stop and think really, really hard.

As others have mentioned, life with one is dreamy.

[/quote]

As someone who has 2 (wanted more) and stopped for many of these and similar reasons, I really appreciate this post. I still sometimes have moments of regret, especially when I see larger families, but all of the reasons we stopped at 2 still exist and are valid. So thank you.[/quote]

DP, but I think it takes a lot of strength and self-reflection to know your limits and stop when you're ahead (or at least not behind). There is SO much social pressure to have "more" children, be that a second or third, and so much toxic positivity (It will all work out! You'll never regret the children you have! It will all be worth it in the end!). But those are just clichés that people tell themselves and not always true. We've all seen families that go ahead with the second or third (or more, I guess?) that really would have been better stopping earlier. Only YOU know yourself and your family best, and just because it worked out for someone else, doesn't mean it's the right decision for you. Life is full of unchosen paths, but wisdom and maturity is being able to let go of the untaken possibilities and embrace the one you did. [/quote]

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