OP-I would go. But I'd also probably bring a friend.

You know there is a possibility of something going wrong if you go on this vacation, which is why you’re asking the question to begin with. You have no control over how others will view it and whether they are right or wrong, it can be very, very difficult, if not impossible, to undo the damage their perceptions can create for you. I think you should forgo the trip. Don’t buy trouble.

if this is a place you and your kids really want to visit, you can start saving for it on your own and make it happen at another time, and without your BIL.

I’d go.

Anonymous wrote:He should disinvite you and your kids, and invite his own sister and her kids. Obviously the favoritism to you is because of the potential for sex, which presumably is off limits with his own sister. And in fact it is you who should decline and insist he invite his sister and her.kids.

He doesn't have a sister. Where are you getting that he has a sister?

Anonymous wrote:I’m very worried about how jealous your husband is. That’s not normal. Between sane and healthy adults , this trip is fine.

This has nothing to do with the insane husband. He's insane. No one will give any credit to his irrational jealousy.

She is concerned that his jealousy is rational in this case, not irrational. The trip is obviously one in which cheating could easily occur.

The BIL chose op and her.kids over his own sister and sisters kids for this trip.

Why do you think that is? Because there is a chance to bang OP, no chance to bang his own sister.

He should disinvite you and your kids, and invite his own sister and her kids. Obviously the favoritism to you is because of the potential for sex, which presumably is off limits with his own sister. And in fact it is you who should decline and insist he invite his sister and her.kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP has young teen children and is losing her husband. She will strongly driven to attempt mate poaching in this scenario. It is easy to justify. Bils kids are adults so divorce won't impact them as strongly. When the inevitable happens op will claim it.just happened and they were like twin flames. She never saw.it coming. It's not her fault. Besides she deserves to be happy. All the usual excuses.

The fact that your mind goes these is twisted. But this dark fantasy has no relationship to my situation.

—OP

So, if that is the last thing on your mind, what is so awkward about the situation, and why did you even make a post? Go on your innocent family vacation and enjoy.

Maybe because of what she said?…. her soon to be ex gets jealous and other family members weren’t invited.

She didn't say he got jealous about this though. She also claims it is totally innocent and he is mentally ill. Why would you even consider a mentally ill person's paranoia about a.totally innocent trip, especially when the mentally ill.person hasn't actually.objected to it?

Obviously the idea is inappropriate aside from her husband's jealousy because both people are.without spouses under vacation circumstances, they know each other.well,.already have a.close.emotional connection, will be in close company, there.will.likely be alcohol available too...Exactly the kind of recipe where cheating is accident.wsiting.to.hapoen..All it takes is a.careless match to light that.flsme. op knows.darn well it is.inapproproiate.regardless of.her.hisnsmds.jealousy. the tip off is when she said.how.dare you think that.possible. If op didn't think people might think that.she.wouldnt.hsve posted.

OP here,

He hasn't objected because none of us have brought it up to him. He objects to things like me attending a parent teacher conference with a male teacher, or me talking to a male soccer coach alone on the sidelines of practice. So, I think it's likely he would object to this.

I won't drink alcohol on this trip. You can't "accidentally" cheat on your spouse, so I don't know what that's about.

I don't say "how dare you think that's possible" so I can't address that point.

ok you did not say "how dare you" etc. You said I have a dark and twisted mind for believing cheating was a possible inference on such a trip. But that's the inference you are afraid others will draw, so how is it dark and twisted? That's why you posted. You believe it's an awkward situation because it is the sort of scenario where someone might infer cheating could occur and nothing you can say would be able to prove otherwise since the opportunities would be constantly present. It's not just your husband's jealousy. If the jealousy is irrational like at a teachers conference other same people will discount it. That is not what makes.it.awkward.

Stating you will not drink alcohol simply admits that there is a real risk and temptation for you on this trip.You are emotionally attached to him. He is bonded with your children too. You know that if you drink, your inhibitions will be lowered. If somewhere inside you had no interest in having sex with him, or he with you, you would not need to abstain from alcohol.

Perhaps the biggest danger is that you are simultaneously in complete denial that what is obviously a possibility, is a possibility. You are setting things up exactly so that it will be possible for sex to happen but so that you can also claim that you had no idea it could ever happen. That's exactly what people with poor boundaries do when they want to set things up to cheat, yet not be responsible for it.

Your bil would not have invited you and the kids along unless he thought there was atleast a possibility of banging you. As you said there are other brothers and sisters that didn't get an invite which makes it all the more awkward.

Like many people who end up cheating, you're supplying the firewood and the fuel, as is your bil and all you need is the match

The only way you won't end up having sex with your bil if you do this, is if he.chickens out, or.possibly you get.cock.blocked byhis kids or.yours.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has the jealous Dh already expressed being upset by the idea? Will the kids miss a planned visit with their dad? If not, love your life the way you see fit and hold your head up high. You’re not doing anything wrong. You do need to get out of the habit of getting full family feedback for everything. Your in-laws’ opinions shouldn’t matter (but glad you feel supported).

DH doesn't know. I'll make my decision before I tell him anything. He might miss the actual time slot for one visit, but we can shift things around, particularly with the kids off school, so he won't miss any hours.

I'm totally confused how I've gotten that I get"full family feedback" for everything. I've talked to the SIL and BIL who invited us. That seems pretty normal that you talk to the people who invite you to do things. My IL's are worried that my kids will lose their connection to family, so I can guarantee that they will like the idea of my kids being on vacation with cousins. But I haven't actually talked to them.

“OP here,

My SIL is fine with it. In Laws are fine. His other sister will be jealous that my kids got a free vacation but hers didn’t.

BIL hasn’t invited the kids without me.

Still thinking about it.”


When you said upthread that “in-laws are fine” it sounded like you were referring to many of them, not just the two directly involved, (plus you referenced an additional SIL who would not be fine) hence my comment. Sorry if I made a leap there. GL and I hope it works out well for you and your kids.

Anonymous wrote:I’m very worried about how jealous your husband is. That’s not normal. Between sane and healthy adults , this trip is fine.

Yes, his jealousy is a symptom of his mental illness. I agree that it’s not normal.

I’m very worried about how jealous your husband is. That’s not normal. Between sane and healthy adults , this trip is fine.

Anonymous wrote:Has the jealous Dh already expressed being upset by the idea? Will the kids miss a planned visit with their dad? If not, love your life the way you see fit and hold your head up high. You’re not doing anything wrong. You do need to get out of the habit of getting full family feedback for everything. Your in-laws’ opinions shouldn’t matter (but glad you feel supported).

DH doesn't know. I'll make my decision before I tell him anything. He might miss the actual time slot for one visit, but we can shift things around, particularly with the kids off school, so he won't miss any hours.

I'm totally confused how I've gotten that I get"full family feedback" for everything. I've talked to the SIL and BIL who invited us. That seems pretty normal that you talk to the people who invite you to do things. My IL's are worried that my kids will lose their connection to family, so I can guarantee that they will like the idea of my kids being on vacation with cousins. But I haven't actually talked to them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP has young teen children and is losing her husband. She will strongly driven to attempt mate poaching in this scenario. It is easy to justify. Bils kids are adults so divorce won't impact them as strongly. When the inevitable happens op will claim it.just happened and they were like twin flames. She never saw.it coming. It's not her fault. Besides she deserves to be happy. All the usual excuses.

The fact that your mind goes these is twisted. But this dark fantasy has no relationship to my situation.

—OP

So, if that is the last thing on your mind, what is so awkward about the situation, and why did you even make a post? Go on your innocent family vacation and enjoy.

Maybe because of what she said?…. her soon to be ex gets jealous and other family members weren’t invited.

She didn't say he got jealous about this though. She also claims it is totally innocent and he is mentally ill. Why would you even consider a mentally ill person's paranoia about a.totally innocent trip, especially when the mentally ill.person hasn't actually.objected to it?

Obviously the idea is inappropriate aside from her husband's jealousy because both people are.without spouses under vacation circumstances, they know each other.well,.already have a.close.emotional connection, will be in close company, there.will.likely be alcohol available too...Exactly the kind of recipe where cheating is accident.wsiting.to.hapoen..All it takes is a.careless match to light that.flsme. op knows.darn well it is.inapproproiate.regardless of.her.hisnsmds.jealousy. the tip off is when she said.how.dare you think that.possible. If op didn't think people might think that.she.wouldnt.hsve posted.

OP here,

He hasn't objected because none of us have brought it up to him. He objects to things like me attending a parent teacher conference with a male teacher, or me talking to a male soccer coach alone on the sidelines of practice. So, I think it's likely he would object to this.

I won't drink alcohol on this trip. You can't "accidentally" cheat on your spouse, so I don't know what that's about.

I don't say "how dare you think that's possible" so I can't address that point.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP has young teen children and is losing her husband. She will strongly driven to attempt mate poaching in this scenario. It is easy to justify. Bils kids are adults so divorce won't impact them as strongly. When the inevitable happens op will claim it.just happened and they were like twin flames. She never saw.it coming. It's not her fault. Besides she deserves to be happy. All the usual excuses.

The fact that your mind goes these is twisted. But this dark fantasy has no relationship to my situation.

—OP

So, if that is the last thing on your mind, what is so awkward about the situation, and why did you even make a post? Go on your innocent family vacation and enjoy.

Maybe because of what she said?…. her soon to be ex gets jealous and other family members weren’t invited.

She didn't say he got jealous about this though. She also claims it is totally innocent and he is mentally ill. Why would you even consider a mentally ill person's paranoia about a.totally innocent trip, especially when the mentally ill.person hasn't actually.objected to it?

Obviously the idea is inappropriate aside from her husband's jealousy because both people are.without spouses under vacation circumstances, they know each other.well,.already have a.close.emotional connection, will be in close company, there.will.likely be alcohol available too...Exactly the kind of recipe where cheating is accident.wsiting.to.hapoen..All it takes is a.careless match to light that.flsme. op knows.darn well it is.inapproproiate.regardless of.her.hisnsmds.jealousy. the tip off is when she said.how.dare you think that.possible. If op didn't think people might think that.she.wouldnt.hsve posted.

There is so much projection in this post, I feel like I need to get some popcorn, get in a recliner and watch in surround sound.

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s fine.

It's 1000% fine. You go and act normal. You cannot control how other people act so you shouldn't let it control you.
Go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP has young teen children and is losing her husband. She will strongly driven to attempt mate poaching in this scenario. It is easy to justify. Bils kids are adults so divorce won't impact them as strongly. When the inevitable happens op will claim it.just happened and they were like twin flames. She never saw.it coming. It's not her fault. Besides she deserves to be happy. All the usual excuses.

The fact that your mind goes these is twisted. But this dark fantasy has no relationship to my situation.

—OP

So, if that is the last thing on your mind, what is so awkward about the situation, and why did you even make a post? Go on your innocent family vacation and enjoy.

Maybe because of what she said?…. her soon to be ex gets jealous and other family members weren’t invited.

She didn't say he got jealous about this though. She also claims it is totally innocent and he is mentally ill. Why would you even consider a mentally ill person's paranoia about a.totally innocent trip, especially when the mentally ill.person hasn't actually.objected to it?

Obviously the idea is inappropriate aside from her husband's jealousy because both people are.without spouses under vacation circumstances, they know each other.well,.already have a.close.emotional connection, will be in close company, there.will.likely be alcohol available too...Exactly the kind of recipe where cheating is accident.wsiting.to.hapoen..All it takes is a.careless match to light that.flsme. op knows.darn well it is.inapproproiate.regardless of.her.hisnsmds.jealousy. the tip off is when she said.how.dare you think that.possible. If op didn't think people might think that.she.wouldnt.hsve posted

What’s with all the random periods?