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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Flo sounds like she has a personality disorder, not that this is any excuse to be abusive. And I'm sure Hank knows she is horrible.

I'd just have your husband say, look, the family trips haven't been run and relaxing for you guys recently, how about just a dads and kids trip? He can word it in whatever way he thinks will be the least upsetting. You are not obligated to invite anyone to your home and you can always set the parameters for what you will and won't go for. [/quote]

I definitely agree she has a personality disorder. I don’t think it is just cultural. I also think she’s depressed. She doesn’t seem to take a lot of joy in anything  and that was definitely not the case before.  She was always a fussy combative person, but since 2020 she’s been extra ragey.

[/quote]

I think Covid did a number on a lot of people. I had a friend who was always a bit *extra* but we had some good times together and I could just ignore the occasional rant (although alienating people was sort of a specialty of hers). During Covid the anger became permanent and pervasive. My DH and I both tried staying away from topics that would set her off, but it seemed everything set her off. When changing the subject didn’t work, we tried being very direct — “we’re not going to talk about this.”  Finally, we just agreed that we couldn’t communicate with her anymore. I am still sad about it, but it was nothing but anger and angst, and we just don’t need that in our lives. I agree that you should let your DH spend time with Hank, but you don’t need to subject yourself or your children to that much rage. [/quote]

Op here: Really and truly this is it. She was fun Flo for years!  [b]I loved her and she was definitely a good friend. [/b]We would text every day!  But during covid it was clear she fell into a deep depression and her rages (which were sorta funny before) became dark. The yelling which didn’t exist before became loud and dark. Italy was hit hard during the pandemic, especially the early part, and I know she spent months worrying about her family. [b] I don’t think she’s come out of this depression. [/b]DH spends a lot of time with Hank one on one (they do sports together), and I wonder if maybe we can quietly distance ourselves while letting them continue their friendship.

[b]I think I’m just sad that our friendship the way it was is over I guess. [/b][/quote]

OP, you seem to have attracted a troll or trolls.

BUT, after this update I am wondering why you haven't talked directly to her, all the other stuff aside. There are ways to bring up concerns without attacking. The friendship is on the brink as it is. Nothing to lose by addressing that you've observed she seems stressed after the last couple of years.[/quote]

Thank you for this thoughtful response. I am honestly just still angry about Labor Day. Hank asked my husband about MLK day and I was so mad about it. I could not believe that he thought the Labor Day trip went well enough to casually bring it up like nothing happened.  I remember thinking, did he forget that his wife flew into a rage because I made breakfast for my kids and her kids at 9am?!?

Did he not remember the flip outs over footwear? The flip out over bagged salad? The rage-a-thon over frozen pizza?  I mean it’s my house- if you really don’t like what I do keep it to yourself!  Also did he not remember how she flew off the handle and we had to listen to them fighting all afternoon one day?

I am still mad about it! I don’t expect an apology, but maybe addressing that past recent behavior hasn’t been good would mean a lot to me.

And I think if I bring it up she’ll fly into a rage with me or take it out on Hank. When Hank calmly tried to remind her that the kids would survive if the way wore their deck sandals into the house, she lost her mind at him. It was awful to see. I don’t see how she will take, “is everything ok? You seen extra angry lately”. Plus as she told me, divorce is on the table. I don’t want to cause another fight honestly. [/quote]

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