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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Flo sounds like she has a personality disorder, not that this is any excuse to be abusive. And I'm sure Hank knows she is horrible.

I'd just have your husband say, look, the family trips haven't been run and relaxing for you guys recently, how about just a dads and kids trip? He can word it in whatever way he thinks will be the least upsetting. You are not obligated to invite anyone to your home and you can always set the parameters for what you will and won't go for. [/quote]

I definitely agree she has a personality disorder. I don’t think it is just cultural. I also think she’s depressed. She doesn’t seem to take a lot of joy in anything  and that was definitely not the case before.  She was always a fussy combative person, but since 2020 she’s been extra ragey.

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I think Covid did a number on a lot of people. I had a friend who was always a bit *extra* but we had some good times together and I could just ignore the occasional rant (although alienating people was sort of a specialty of hers). During Covid the anger became permanent and pervasive. My DH and I both tried staying away from topics that would set her off, but it seemed everything set her off. When changing the subject didn’t work, we tried being very direct — “we’re not going to talk about this.”  Finally, we just agreed that we couldn’t communicate with her anymore. I am still sad about it, but it was nothing but anger and angst, and we just don’t need that in our lives. I agree that you should let your DH spend time with Hank, but you don’t need to subject yourself or your children to that much rage. [/quote]

Op here: Really and truly this is it. She was fun Flo for years!  I loved her and she was definitely a good friend. We would text every day!  But during covid it was clear she fell into a deep depression and her rages (which were sorta funny before) became dark. The yelling which didn’t exist before became loud and dark. Italy was hit hard during the pandemic, especially the early part, and I know she spent months worrying about her family.  I don’t think she’s come out of this depression. DH spends a lot of time with Hank one on one (they do sports together), and I wonder if maybe we can quietly distance ourselves while letting them continue their friendship.

I think I’m just sad that our friendship the way it was is over I guess. [/quote]

So the most obvious thing here is that you start a conversation with her. That you miss her and that you’re  concerned. As a friend would. [/quote]

OP here-

I think if she had not violated the rules of friendship by exploding every time something small didn’t go her way, I would have done this already. [/quote]

OP I'm not sure exactly what this means around violated the rules of friendship, though I completely understand why you would be upset and hurt about what happened. But if you were that close that you used to text every day I really think the only kind and fair course of action is to check in on her. Your husband to check in on Hank and frank and honest about the concern. and you to check in on Flo, and have an honest conversation about your experience, what you witnessed, that her kids seem scared and because you know her and love her you know that something must be going on - that this isn't who she is, so you are worried about her and are here if you needs help finding support. That you understand how hard things were during the pandemic and we're all needing help to get out of it in some ways.

Be the friend you would want to have if you were deeply depressed and becoming a person your friends and family barely recognized. This might not save the relationship because she may not be ready to see it all or get help, but it is putting your best effort forward.[/quote]

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