Reply to My DS is a freshman and is really happy, but I feel depressed that I limited his options.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'll start by saying I have lots of anxiety/depression in general, so that's playing into this feeling, but DC is at a top 50-60ish public university where she got merit.  Based on what she's told us so far, she absolutely loves it there, so nothing that I'm writing has anything to do with what she has told us! I'm very happy that she's happy, but also feel depressed that I limited her options based on our financial threshold.  We were always up-front with our daughter about costs, so she's not mad with us.  My child had the stats for Top 15-45ish schools and applied to several, but those that accepted her offered little to no merit or offered merit but just turned out to be schools that weren't a "fit" for her (i.e., too large, too rural, wrong major, etc.) and so she rejected their offers.  There were other schools that I think she likely would have gotten accepted to and perhaps preferred, but they were not known to offer merit (and we had spoken to advisors and looked at common stat data), so we didn't bother with them.  We are also not first-gen, under-rep minorities, or have any hooks.

I'm basically having all these thoughts about if we should have been willing to spend $70-$80k/year, which we could have done by taking out loans and/or liquidating more assets (from a small inheritance) that we would never rebuild b/c we're not high earners. Instead, we're paying $40K/year, which will allow her to graduate without any debt and may actually leave some money for potential grad school down the road. We also have another child and want to make sure that that child has the same college opportunities.  I'm struggling with the fact that my child is attending what may very well have been the best fit for her (she came from a pressure-cooker school and struggled with anxiety, so maybe being a big fish in a small pond is a good thing), but is not the highest ranked school (for whatever the rankings are worth) that she could have attended.  Maybe some of that is my own ego in the way and reading all these DCUM posters driven to the top school for their child at any expense.

Any thoughts on how I can just let this go and be happy that my kid is happy?  Thanks.[/quote]

My kid fits the profile of a DMV high achiever. MCPS magnet, perfect academic stats, national level ECs, research, internships, NMS etc etc, He got into not one but 4 t20 schools for his competitive STEM major, like many of his peers. He decided to go to instate flagship at considerable merit, educational opportunity, research, internship, job opportunity, proximity to home, opportunity to maintain to  his existing network of high achievers and opportunity to add to that from many brilliant and diverse students from DMV, nationally and internationally that he will find in UMD.

OP, in other words, my kid chose a university that he was going to be happy in. He had the stats and we had the money. We as parents wanted to pursue prestige also but my gen z kid had his own criteria and turned down couple of higher ranked colleges in favor of UMD.  He was not shocked and awed by the rankings.

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